Democratic Presidential nominee and current Vice President Kamala Harris has picked Minnesota Governor, and guy who ope, is just gonna squeeze my cart by ya here in the Cub Foods aisle, Tim Walz as her running mate.
The Harris-Walz Campaign wants you know these important facts about the man VP Harris has picked to be 2nd in line as Commander in Chief. The American people should keep these facts and this contrast with the Republican ticket in mind when casting their votes in 2024.
Governor Walz served in the Minnesota Air National Guard for 24 years retiring as a master sergeant in 2005. During his service, Walz earned the Army Commendation medal and a pair of Army Achievement Medals.
Listen, and we can’t stress this enough, there is no record of sexual contact between Tim Walz and any couch.
Following George Floyd’s murder ,Governor Walz called two special sessions of the Minnesota legislature to enact a major police reform measure.
Like, when visiting a guest’s home, Governor Walz only sits in living room chairs and never on the couch even if invited to do so. It’s about respect.
Governor Walz has a perfect 100% rating from Planned Parenthood.
You know the big dad energy emanating from Walz? Our dude is so old fashioned he asked for his father-in-laws blessing before purchasing a couch for his marital home.
Governor Walz led a historic 2023 legislative session in Minnesota. Under his leadership, the state ticked off a party “fever dream that included increasing education funding, legalizing recreational marijuana, restoring voting rights for felons upon release from prison, codifying abortion rights, establishing paid family leave and passing universal gun background checks and a red flag protection order law.”
Lets cut the shit here. Governor Walz has never had sex with a couch.
Governor Walz is a former high school history teacher.
He has a social science degree from Chadron State College. He had a futon because every college student has a futon at some point. But he didn’t fuck the futon. Not even once.
Governor Walz is a former high school football coach.
I mean it’s called a loveseat for goodness sake. What a coquettish name. But Tim? That guy never even did hand stuff with one.
Governor Walz is an avid sportsman, enjoying both fishing and hunting in the great outdoors in Minnesota.
You know a certain Ohio Senator who really is into Ottoman feet instagram posts? Well not Governor Walz. Isn’t into feet. Not his thing.
Governor Walz has established a reputation as a bipartisan, consensus bridge builder in his political life.
Okay, one last time for those in the back. Just to make this crystal clear. So there are no rumors pinging around Elon’s hate speech cauldron online. Governor Tim Walz has never once had any sort of amorous encounter with any living room furniture.
Vote Harris – Walz.