Close Menu
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram
    Robot Butt
    • Entertainment
      1. Movies & TV
      2. Music
      3. View All

      My MRI at Seattle Grace Hospital Went Well, Aside From the Bomb Threat, Active Shooter, and Staff Having Sex in My Room

      May 20, 2025

      22-Year-Old Describes Kind of Weird Thing They Saw as ‘Lynchian’

      April 10, 2025

      James Bond Gets Briefed on SignalGate

      April 2, 2025

      “Too Dark and Incredibly Quiet” Becomes Highest Grossing Unintelligible Film Ever

      March 14, 2025

      After Drummer Porn Arrest, New Pornographers Look for Less Controversial Band Name 

      May 21, 2025

      DISCUSSION THREAD: Idris Elba’s Music

      May 16, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s Idris Elba’s Music

      May 9, 2025

      World’s Drummers Announce Plans to Look at Ground in Every Band Photo

      May 7, 2025

      After Drummer Porn Arrest, New Pornographers Look for Less Controversial Band Name 

      May 21, 2025

      My MRI at Seattle Grace Hospital Went Well, Aside From the Bomb Threat, Active Shooter, and Staff Having Sex in My Room

      May 20, 2025

      DISCUSSION THREAD: Idris Elba’s Music

      May 16, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s Idris Elba’s Music

      May 9, 2025
    • Fiction
      1. Comics
      2. View All

      A Cartoon About Books

      May 10, 2025

      A Cartoon About Drinking A Lite Beer

      April 27, 2025

      A Cartoon About Pizza

      April 24, 2025

      A Cartoon About A Greek Wrap

      March 23, 2025

      “TRUMPLESTILSKIN” AND OTHER UPDATED BROTHERS GRIMM STORIES:

      April 7, 2025

      Look Here Pardner, According To The Most Recent Class 9 Census Report, This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us

      February 15, 2025

      What Happened to the Great American Mall

      January 27, 2025

      Ernest Hemingway Goes Sober Curious 

      August 8, 2024
    • History

      Seder hopping with the Passover King

      May 15, 2025

      College Students Suggest Causes for Fossilized Vomit

      April 30, 2025

      Oedipus’ Lament

      April 18, 2025

      10 Relevant Events in History that were Originated by a Joke

      February 20, 2025

      Valentine’s Day Musings From a Drunken William Shakespeare 

      February 13, 2025
    • Life
      1. Science
      2. Thoughts
      3. View All

      FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

      June 7, 2025

      Daves Are Going Extinct 

      May 27, 2025

      FECES BIOLOGIST FINDS OUT YOU CAN PICK LITERALLY ANY JOB ON EARTH

      April 16, 2025

      PLACEBO EFFECT? We Gave a 10-Year-Old Non-Alcoholic Beer and He Wrecked His Car

      January 23, 2025

      Daves Are Going Extinct 

      May 27, 2025

      A Love Poem to Greenland written by J.D. Vance

      May 4, 2025

      The Term ‘Gooning’ Has Ruined The Job Market For Henchmen

      April 8, 2025

      How to Show You’re Smart Without Saying a Word: What We Can Learn From Mimes 

      February 24, 2025

      In Like Lint

      June 8, 2025

      FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

      June 7, 2025

      DO PILGRIMS KNOW 1 +1?

      June 7, 2025

      Deciphering the Hidden Message in the 19 Random Stickers I Received with the Secondhand T-Shirt I Bought Online

      June 6, 2025
    • Politics
    • Sports
      1. Basketball
      2. Football
      3. View All

      NBA Accidentally Drafts Grammy Winning Saxophonist Boney James

      July 28, 2024

      NBA Deems Draymond Green’s Latest Treatment a Rousing Success

      January 15, 2024

      These Ordinary People Were Victims of the Harlem Globetrotters’ Terrible Basketball Antics

      June 17, 2022

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Superbowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      Trump & Pro-Wrestling’s Education Dept. Appointee Plan:

      February 7, 2025

      Inspired by the Superbowl Being on Tubi, We’ve Decided to Make Robot Butt the Official Home of Northwestern VS Minnesota from November 1, 1930

      February 5, 2025

      Congratulations, Class of 2024 – Now Go Out Into This World and Be Very Insecure About Your Penis

      May 18, 2024

      REPORT: Secretariat Proud Of Derby Winning Descendant And Disappointed In 13 Losing Descendants

      May 6, 2025

      All But MLB Dingbats Will Switch to Torpedo Bats: NextGen Possibilities Beyond Yankee/MIT Innovation

      April 4, 2025

      5 Ins and Outs for Your Superbowl Party!

      February 9, 2025

      Trump & Pro-Wrestling’s Education Dept. Appointee Plan:

      February 7, 2025
    • Podcasts
    • Uncanny Valley
      1. Breaking News
      2. Company Blog
      3. Staff Posts
      4. View All

      Pope Leo XIV Reveals He “Is Not a Practicing Catholic”

      May 30, 2025

      Man Who Needs Vital Surgery Unfortunately on Same GoFundMe Page as Dying Dog

      May 23, 2025

      Trump Boys Pull Prank By Running Around White House With 1 and 3 Written On Their Chests

      May 22, 2025

      As Windows 95 Installations Near Completion, Gen-X Techies Turn to Horizon of the Future

      May 18, 2025

      Robot Butt’s New Year’s Resolutions

      January 3, 2023

      This Internship is Already Teaching Me So Much

      July 17, 2015

      Meet Robot Butt’s New Intern, Darren!

      June 17, 2015

      I Am Going to Die in the Robot Butt Office

      April 24, 2014

      REPORT: Mel Brooks Still Alive (Read This Article Before We Have To Delete It)

      May 11, 2025

      No Post Today: Instead, Here’s A Link To McGruff The Crime Dog’s Official Album From 1982

      April 26, 2025

      CORRECTION: Robot Butt’s New Team Member Of The Month Is Walt…

      April 23, 2025

      In Memoriam: Our Head Of Data Operations, Ryan

      April 22, 2025

      Pope Leo XIV Reveals He “Is Not a Practicing Catholic”

      May 30, 2025

      Man Who Needs Vital Surgery Unfortunately on Same GoFundMe Page as Dying Dog

      May 23, 2025

      Trump Boys Pull Prank By Running Around White House With 1 and 3 Written On Their Chests

      May 22, 2025

      As Windows 95 Installations Near Completion, Gen-X Techies Turn to Horizon of the Future

      May 18, 2025
    • About Us
      1. Books & Zines
      2. Contact
      3. Submission Guidelines
      4. View All

      The Robot Butt Company Handbook: A Humor Zine Designed to Be Read at Work

      June 10, 2024

      Jason’s Dozen: A Friday the 13th Humor Collection

      October 13, 2023

      Halloween Compendium of Terror: A Spooky Humor Anthology

      October 31, 2022

      An Open Letter To RFK Jr., Please Come And Pick Up Your Brain Worm From My House, He’s Scaring Me

      June 9, 2025

      In Like Lint

      June 8, 2025

      FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

      June 7, 2025

      DO PILGRIMS KNOW 1 +1?

      June 7, 2025

      An Open Letter To RFK Jr., Please Come And Pick Up Your Brain Worm From My House, He’s Scaring Me

      June 9, 2025

      In Like Lint

      June 8, 2025

      FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

      June 7, 2025

      DO PILGRIMS KNOW 1 +1?

      June 7, 2025

      An Open Letter To RFK Jr., Please Come And Pick Up Your Brain Worm From My House, He’s Scaring Me

      June 9, 2025

      In Like Lint

      June 8, 2025

      FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

      June 7, 2025

      DO PILGRIMS KNOW 1 +1?

      June 7, 2025
    Robot Butt
    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Life»Letter From a Baby to his Father Stating his Reasons for not Being Named Blouncie
    Life

    Letter From a Baby to his Father Stating his Reasons for not Being Named Blouncie

    Alex ScampaBy Alex ScampaJanuary 13, 2024No Comments4 Mins Read
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email
    Baby in Sheets

    Dear Father:

    First of all, let me congratulate you on your new fatherhood. It fills me with joy to be the first person in our family to do so on this occasion. Secondly, I would like to tell you that I am aware that it is not usual for a newborn to bring a handwritten letter with it, but the subject I am addressing seems to me to be extremely urgent.

    If I am writing this letter to you and not to my dear mother, it is because, as I understand, you have unilaterally decided to name me Blouncie, a name with a deep-rooted tradition in your family. My intention with these lines is to make you change your mind because, in my opinion, there are better options for a boy like me.

    Don’t get me wrong, I have infinite respect for this name and for the people who bear it. I must also recognize that, at least, it is not a bland name. However, I think that on this occasion we would be crossing the fine line that separates originality from, with all due respect, complete nonsense.

    In addition to this, the analysis of the precedents of this name in our family makes me fear that, if I were to be named that, my future would be compromised. Take your great-great grandfather, the first Blouncie we have record of. He was a janitor in late 19th century London who gained notoriety for being the first person in history to be electrocuted to death by sticking his wet fingers into a socket. Another example would be your great-uncle from Crapstone, Devon, who held the position of town drunk for more than two decades. The list goes on and on but I would like to end this part of my letter by mentioning your cousin from Two Egg, Florida, who was the first person to pay for Twitter X’s blue check.

    As you can see, all of these people have achieved excellence in the field of mediocrity, and I believe that, modesty aside, I am destined for something far greater. I am special. I know it’s wrong for me to say so, but you, of all human beings, should understand me because you are special too and I know that, in addition to being aware of it, you try to prove it every chance you get.

    I am special, take this letter as an example. I won’t bore you with the details of how I managed to write it, but I’m sure that almost no baby has the skill and/or inventiveness to accomplish this task. Certainly none of my siblings have had the ability to do so, yet they don’t have to carry the burden of such a quirky name.

    Finally, I would like to add that, given your prolific activity in terms of offspring, I am convinced that you will have many more occasions to give this name to one of your future children, so the family tradition, in my humble opinion, would be assured.

    Having stated my reasons, I propose a list of ten names that I consider much more appropriate:

    – Mega Thunder

    – Awesome MacCool

    – Nero Burning ROM

    – Ultra Zen Conqueror

    – Baron Von Kiss-a-lot

    – Cyber Colossus

    – Ultimate Ne0Jesus

    – Larry

    – Turbo Titan

    A man of your intelligence will have realized by now that there are nine names here, not ten. That is because I save my favorite and what I think is the best choice for last.

    I beg you to reconsider, Father. Trust me. With your resources and my potential, the sky’s the limit.

    Kind regards,

    Techno Mechanicus Musk

    Alex Scampa baby Father Letter
    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Alex Scampa

    Trainee writer for my own blog. Currently trying to be funny in English after not succeeding in being so in my own language.

    Related Posts

    In Like Lint

    June 8, 2025

    FulFILLment: My Pursuit of Protein

    June 7, 2025

    DO PILGRIMS KNOW 1 +1?

    June 7, 2025

    Comments are closed.

    Search Robot Butt
    Read More Robot Butt

    The 50 Best Movies of the 1990s

    NASA History: What Were the Objectives of Every Apollo Mission?

    These Are the Weirdest Promotions in Major League Baseball History

    The Robot Butt Podcasts
    Robot Butt Podcasts

    Check out the Robot Butt Podcasts and then give a listen to our friends below:

    ROGUE SQUADRON PODCAST

    Star Wars, beer, music, video games and more!
    The Robot Butt Videos
    Robot Butt Videos

    Unrelenting comedy in video form!
    Facebook X (Twitter) Instagram Pinterest
    © 2025 ThemeSphere. Designed by ThemeSphere.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.