Company, product, and slogan rebrands offer insight into what might reveal “the euphemistic soul or
lack thereof” of brands impacting consumers.
Twitter is now “X” (No signature or truth claim required?); Google is now “Alphabet” (Cyrillic for hackers?); Dunkin’ Donuts just “Dunkin’” (Drunken?); Weight Watchers “WW” (dropping a few?); Toys
‘R’ Us “Geoffey’s Toy Box” (the giraffe ate the ‘R’?); Facebook “Meta” (is the hoopster formerly known
as Ron Artest CEO? Should we call it Meta World?); Smith and Wesson Brands “American Outdoor
Brands” (their guns don’t kill indoors too?); and World Wrestling Federation “World Wrestling
Entertainment” (of course it’s staged, though confusing WWF with World Wildlife Foundation wasn’t
that far off).
More rebrands on the horizon:
TikTok to Tick Off
[“Social media designed to rile”]
Uber to Achtung!
[“We proudly hire Proud Boy drivers”]
Tampax to Dampax
[“We even dam up bloody male wrestler noses”]
Disney to Tinker Bell
[“Take that, Ron De Santis”]
Pornhub to Middle Finger Porn
[Borrowing KFC slogan “Finger Lickin’ Good”]
Armani to Our Money
[“You pay for whatever’s our name”]
University of Phoenix to University of Federal Loans
[“Veterans: diploma unlikely for you, but profit likely for us”]
McDonald’s to The Donald’s
[“We get to keep our brightly hair-colored clown mascot”]
Infinity Wards to Infinite Gory Wars
[“Violent Warfare: Our Call to Duty”]
Amazon Prime to Amazon Sub-Prime
[“Cut-rate alternatives; shipping through USPS”]
Starbucks to Starfivers
[“You think that’s enough for a Grande or Venti?”]
Nike to Psyche
[“Swoosh away massive, complex inventory/manufacturer problems”]
Monsanto to Round ‘Em Up
[“Well, it’s not our old-school DDT or Agent Orange”]
The Gap to The Fissure
[“Accurate profit prospects with a nod to owner’s Oakland A’s fan-haters”]
MLB [Major League Baseball] to MLB [Major League Betting]
[“Hypocrisy? Pete Rose? Shoeless Joe? One of two gambling site sponsors”]
Max to MAXXX
[“Beyond soft porn – more XXX”]
DraftKings to DraftPaupers
[“May the odds not be with you, the reality of gambling sites”]
My Pillow to My Pillow-Shaped President
[“Our pillows, like our hero Trump, chosen by God.”]
Universal Studios to Barbenheimer Bonanzas
[“First project: ‘Irradiated Japanese Barbie’s Oppiedom Dreamhouse’”]
ZOOM to DOOM
[“Reminding kids what virtual school felt like”]
Urban Outfitters to Suburban Outliers
[Graffiti/tattoo covered body suit for inner-city wannabes”]
LinkedIn to LinkedOut
[“Professional network for the Dark Web”]
Fox News to Mindless Muse
[“Freedom from truth will set you free!”]
Wells Fargo to Stage Coach CarJackers
[“We’ll take your money one way or another”]
Victoria’s Secret to Victoria’s Top to Bottom Secrets
[Bondage outfits, whips and chains, and other playthings”]
U.S. Space Force to U.S. Star Trek Ghost Busters
[“Congressional UFO interest signals name change imminent”]
PayPal to Pay the Man
[The eventual outcome of all financial transactions]
Microsoft to Targets ‘R’ Us
[“Huzzah! A hacker’s delight because we’re great”]
Airbnb to HVE [Hardy Vacation Experiences]
[“Death Valley summers; Siberian winters; homeless shelters anytime”]
Robot Butt to Back-Asswards Satirical [BS] Scenarios
[“Real-life vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings inviting richest satire ever”]
