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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Life»Hoof-Print Tattoos, Singing Garbage Truck Rides, Shootouts on The Polar Express: Christmas Experiences for the Entire Family!
    Life

    Hoof-Print Tattoos, Singing Garbage Truck Rides, Shootouts on The Polar Express: Christmas Experiences for the Entire Family!

    Maury LevineBy Maury LevineDecember 24, 2022No Comments3 Mins Read
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    It’s that wonderful time of the year when families gather during the Christmas season. Praying together and donating to the poor…boring! Grab the kids and the least annoying relatives and take them on Exciting Christmas Experiences:

    Six Flags Presents The Riddler’s Mindbender Missing Jesus Nativity Coaster Thriller – It’s Christmas in Gotham City and The Riddler has stolen Jesus from the nativity scene in front of City Hall! Commissioner Gordon needs your help! The classic steel coaster has been transformed for the holidays. Each of the three loops has been adorned with gold, frankincense, and myrrh for the three Wise Men. The seven-story drop has been fashioned into a massive Christmas tree. You’ll be dodging the Riddler’s snowball bullets as you race to rescue the baby Jesus. Holy Christmas, Batman!

    Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer: The Immersive Experience – Become a part of the most beloved holiday song like never before! This one hundred thousand square foot exhibit takes you into Grandma’s fateful night, with cinema quality moving graphics depicting the song’s lyrics. You’ll see Grandma drink too much egg nog and she’ll ask you to help find her medication. Plunge into the snow with her and witness the gruesome reindeer attack for yourself. Next, you’ll get to watch the football game of your choice with Grandpa and help him through the five stages of grief. Later, you’ll try on Grandma’s wigs as you sample delicious goose dishes and puddings made of fig. Upgrade to the VIP Experience and have hoof-prints tattooed on your forehead.

    Santa Baby, Sanitation Baby Sing Along – Surly sanitation engineers have been taught how to sing and are dressed up as elves! Garbage trucks have been transformed into whimsical sleighs! Kids will love singing favorite Christmas tunes and collecting “Santa’s Magical Garbage” along the way!

    Robbery on The Polar Express – Take your kids to the local railroad station for a very special ride on The Polar Express. You’ll travel with a young boy on a journey of self-discovery as his trip to the North Pole is suddenly interrupted by a life-like recreation of a famous train robbery. Children will love the sudden appearance of the cursing masked bandits and they’ll be delighted by a front-row seat for the shootout between the robbers, the sheriff, and the engineer. Many lucky kids get splattered with fake blood, making it a Christmas they’ll never forget.

    Carol of the Bills – Yes, Virginia, even bill collectors get into the holiday sprit! You’ll travel into the winter wonderland of a bill collecting call center where the representatives sing their dunning notices:

     You owe us cash
     Give us your stash 
     Credit will be
     Smelling like pee
    
     Home we will wreck
     Mail us a check
     Garnish your wage
     Fill you with rage
    
     You owe us money
     It's not so funny
     Presents will be
     Not under tree
    
     Give us our money
     Things are not sunny 
     No more excuses
     Time for some bruises 

    The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection Live in 3D IMAX – For the first time, Taylor Swift performs her iconic Christmas album live. This one-time-only event will be live-streamed exclusively in 3D IMAX theatres around the country. In the time it took you to read this description, all the tickets sold out. Better luck next time, sucker.

    Christmas Maury Levine Santa Taylor Swift theme park
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    Maury Levine

    Maury is the author of the humorous mystery 'Shopping Bagged,' a contributor to the comedy websites The Broadway Beat, End of the Bench, The Spoof, Points in Case, and Little Old Lady Comedy, and had a riff used in an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. He is also a drummer, and lives in Birmingham, Alabama with his excellent family.

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