“I was just trying to do the right thing,” he tells staff.
A 21-year-old man was found in Boots today in a confused and agitated state. He was spotted by the lady from the makeup counter who immediately recognized his symptoms.
“I noticed him shortly after the store had opened,” she told us. “He was standing still and staring blankly at a box of Always Ultra. He looked very red in the face and he kept wringing his hands. I put a call out for a first aider and then went over to have a chat with him.”
Fortunately, it turned out that the man in question was physically fit and well. However, mentally he was struggling, feeling overwhelmed and stressed. This is totally understandable, given the dilemma he was faced with. In an interview shortly after the incident, Doug from Camberwell told us:
“This morning, I was in the bathroom having a shave when my girlfriend told me she’d ‘come on.’ I was fine with that; I knew what that meant. I mean, I’m a very modern man and I like to think I’m in touch with my feminine side. But then she asked me to run to the shop and get her something. I dashed down to Boots but realized as soon as I got there, that I had no idea what to get her. Once in the feminine hygiene aisle, I quickly turned hot and clammy and I felt like people were staring at me. It was then that the lady from the makeup counter came over and helped me calm down.”
“Yes, the lady (who we now know to be Boots employee Shirley Plotter) talked to me about the different kinds of protection. She also helped me decide on a brand. I thought my struggle was over, but in reality, it had only just begun.”
“There were tampons for light flow, medium, heavy, very heavy. There were thin ones and fat ones. Then there were ones with applicators, one’s without. Some products claimed to be better for the environment, but I wasn’t even sure what that meant. I mean, could they be buried garden after they’d been used, or did they go in the recycling bin? I just didn’t know, we never talked about it.”
“Then, if that wasn’t confusing enough, there was the question of how many. If I just bought her a box of ten, she might have thought I was a cheapskate. But then again, if I bought her 40, she might find that insulting. I just didn’t know what to do.”
Fortunately for Doug and thousands like him, the future is looking brighter. From next year tampons and towels will be freely available across the country. This change will go a long way in helping men deal with periods. When the change comes into force, men will be able to bring home a range of products. Then, all they will need to do is use their skills in perception, to notice which one their partner opts for. Surely they can handle that much right? Right?!
This move will go a long way in protecting the egos of men. Men just like Doug.
A spokeswoman for Healthcare for Women gave us this statement.
“We just wanted to give them a bit of help and support. We know that this is a really difficult time for men. Once these products become free, they (men) can take a range of protection home to their girlfriends and support them during their period. By doing so they can appear thoughtful and supportive and they won’t have to lose face. And once they have got their heads around this, we can start talking about the Tena Lady, disposable underwear, and maybe even the moon cup!”
Doug quickly confirmed to us that he has no idea what any of those three things are.
Shirley has been commended on her pro-activeness. She was congratulated by her boss and colleagues for spotting the early signs of embarrassment and doubt in Tampax buying men.
“It is great that men no longer feel embarrassed buying these products. However, they often arrive at the shop not knowing what the fuck they are doing.”
This move couldn’t have come at a better time, especially for men like Doug who concluded his interview by telling us,
“I just want to do the right thing; you know make the right choice; I just don’t know what the right thing is!”
