Cholera: The all-natural cure for constipation.
Human papillomavirus: If it’s human, it must be good.
Chickenpox: The viral pox of champions.
Adenovirus: Hell yes to ade-no-virus!
Shingles: For people who enjoy excruciatingly painful rashes.
Measles: I’d rather have me-sles than you-sles.
Hepatitis A: It’ll make you yellow.
Seasonal influenza: Guaranteed to go viral.
Hepatitis B: Now you know where your liver is.
Polio: Vaccinating for polio is a poli-no, but paralysis is a poli-yes.
Meningococcal meningitis: Your all-access pass to a prolonged hospitalization.
Pertussis: Good to the last (whooping) cough.
Diphtheria: Give your breathing a real challenge!
Mumps: Making real men, one painfully swollen testicle at a time.
German measles/rubella: Say ja to congenital heart defects, nein to the MMR vaccine.
Japanese encephalitis: Swells your brain, not your feet.
Haemophilus influenzae (H. flu) type b: Just H. flu it.
Typhoid fever: It’ll keep you warm at night.
Malaria: Better living through mosquito-borne disease.
Yellow fever: When you’re hankering for a high fever, make it a yellow fever.
Inhalation anthrax: A great band, an even more awesome lung disease.
Pneumococcal pneumonia: Connecting people through respiratory infection.
Smallpox: Better than bigpox.
Tetanus: Got lockjaw?
Yersinia pestis/plague: Make America Plague Again.
Rabies: One bite is all it takes.
Ebola: Like a horror movie, only worse.
Rotavirus: The no-cost colon cleanse.