Yikes, you have a splinter! You’re so screwed. I don’t have any antibiotics, but maybe you’d like this pre-Event Dora the Explorer sticker I scavenged from the ruins of a Walmart. Gosh, she’s adorable. See, I told you that you’d get a wound infection! Bingo! I win again! Would you mind stepping outside? Your festering wound is really stinking up the clinic. I love doing amputations! Working with my hands is so much fun. You’re totally right, this amputation would be a lot less painful with anesthesia. They say laughter is the best medicine. Since I don’t have any drugs,…
Author: Maria Wolfe
Maria Wolfe
Maria Wolfe lives and writes in northeast Ohio, where she also practiced as a surgical specialist. On Twitter, she is @realMariaWolfe.
Cholera: The all-natural cure for constipation. Human papillomavirus: If it’s human, it must be good. Chickenpox: The viral pox of champions. Adenovirus: Hell yes to ade-no-virus! Shingles: For people who enjoy excruciatingly painful rashes. Measles: I’d rather have me-sles than you-sles. Hepatitis A: It’ll make you yellow. Seasonal influenza: Guaranteed to go viral. Hepatitis B: Now you know where your liver is. Polio: Vaccinating for polio is a poli-no, but paralysis is a poli-yes. Meningococcal meningitis: Your all-access pass to a prolonged hospitalization. Pertussis: Good to the last (whooping) cough. Diphtheria: Give your breathing a real challenge! Mumps: Making real…