Nothing says festivity like a table made special with personal touches. The following are a few of my favorite unfussy tips and tricks for dressing the table:
1. Take a square paper napkin and fold it in half. Lay a fork over it. Voilà. That is really all you need. It keeps the focus on the food and conversation.
2. For a more edgy look, make the fold on the diagonal.
3. If you want to get really snazzy, make one diagonal fold, then another. Now you have what I like to call a pocket square fold. Pocket square – as in formal. Grown up (and please don’t say “adulting” – or for that matter any other noun used as a verb. Pocket squares are for suits. For interviews. For jobs – real jobs. Not gig economy work. Would it hurt you to just look. Some day you will want health insurance. Some day you will want something squirreled away for when you get older. You’re not listening. No, you are not. No, you actually can’t multitask. Just… just put down the phone. Please? It’s because I care about you.
4. Another fold is what I like to call the turkey. It makes a centerpiece on the plate loaded with “Wow!” appeal. Make a series of folds, pinches, twists, pulls and snips of the napkin until you have something that looks like a turkey. Kids love it.
5. One more thing about the pocket square fold. They are also worn in suits for weddings. Yours. I don’t care who you marry as long as you are happy. What’s that look?
6. To show your guests you’re truly an environmentalist, create your own napkins fashioned from dryer lint. If they glare at you with Gloria’s patented “this isn’t really eco-friendly” furrowed brow, explain that there were a series of damp rainy days where hanging clothes on the line wasn’t going to work. If that fails, remind her that you have that mold issue. On second thought, Gloria is not an ally. Are we really doing this? Pro tip: DIY napkins also work with stuff from the vacuum cleaner. Sprinkle glitter and Hoover it up. Talk about festive!
7. Okay, you’re right. I do want you to get a job and get married and generally get out of the house. No. No I did not say “failure to launch.” Jesus, don’t put words in my mouth. What do you mean “now I suppose you’ll have a cocktail?” And what’s with the sarcastic tone?
8. And finally, there is the fold I call “holiday cheer.” Place a paper napkin in the palm of your hand. Ball up tightly. Place on plate. It represents the tears and/or rage that will follow your gathering.
Actually, a bourbon, neat, does sound good.
