Buttermilk: This doesn’t technically ever go bad right?
Keep.
Capers: What are they? No one knows. They give the condiment shelf a touch of class.
Keep.
A half glass of Sauvignon Blanc in the bottle: Leftover from book club. Carol. She can put it away. Note to self – hide the good bottles for next meeting. They no doubt forgot about my drunken tirade. Waiting for RSVPs for second meeting.
Keep.
Ketchup loaded with horrible high fructose corn syrup: Meant to buy the good stuff. Save it for guests.
Keep.
Old raw meat in nice glass-covered dish: Toss the meat immediately but save the container. It’s from one of those fancy one-word kitchen shops. On second thought, garbage night isn’t until later in the week, and the stench is nauseating.
Keep.
Nearly full jars of honey, dijon and whole-seed mustard: From my fancy salmon phase. There weren’t THAT MANY bones. Who knew so many of us know the Heimlich maneuver? Witty apology and invites for next dinner sent. Maybe no one got the e-vite?
Keep.
Pureed carrots: The neighbors brought this when they showed off their new toddler, Jake. Wait – was this a gift or did they forget to bring them home? Jake is six months old. They’re due for visit number deux! I was joking when I said he looked like a rotten potato. I thought that was obvious.
Keep.
One solitary slice of salami wrapped in deli wax paper in a plastic bag: God damn it! Cold cuts are not my domain. How many times have we had the lunch meat discussion!? Where are you going!? Do not shut that –
Keep.
A quarter-sized dollop of mayonnaise in a huge plastic jar taking up most of the top shelf: Is this all there is? There are so many moving parts in transferring this to a smaller container. It takes a lot of water to wash and recycle but throwing it away is no option. Why didn’t I continue in theatre???
Keep.
Slightly nibbled slice of chocolate cake: Jesus, I thought this was long gone.
Eat right now!
