If you love the holidays and can’t afford any of the 14 major streaming services, there’s no better place to go this season than Teebli! Teebli has all the hits that you think you remember hearing about!
Chrissy’s Crazy Christmas
Chrissy (Awkwafina) is a small-town construction worker who has just moved to the Big Apple and can’t seem to put her new life together. She just can’t seem to build the confidence to break up with her high school sweetheart for the jerk lawyer (Chris Evans, probably) she just met. All the while, she has the sole responsibility of building the Christmas tree that is going to be in Rockefeller Plaza, in New York City! Chrissy’s Crazy Christmas is barely enjoyable, but you might as well put something on in the background while your family argues about “woke Santa”.
Michael’s Merry Move-in
Michael Myers (Nick Castle) is desperate to find a place to live now that he’s been banned from practically every town in the U.S. After responding to an anonymous Craigslist ad for a new roommate, he finds out he’s in big trouble! His new roommate is his old high school rival: Jason Voorhees! And just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, it’s all happening during Christmas, Michael’s least favorite holiday! Can Michael and Jason put their differences aside to share a Merry Move-in? Put this on while your brother won’t shut up about crypto and try to keep up!
Saint Nichoclause
Saint Nichoclause is the ninth movie of the Santa Clause movie series. It is a prequel that takes place before Tim Allen ever donned the Crimson suit. This is Allen’s directorial debut, which he has dubbed his “most dramatic film yet”. Your family will finally sit down to stop arguing, and there won’t be a dry eye in sight. Your father might even tell you he loves you for the first time!
Aunt Jemima’s Jolly Jam Session
Recorded at the Radio City Music Hall is the final performance of Aunt Jemima from her farewell tour in 2021. A somber crowd quietly views the retiring beloved American icon. It is a gripping and delicate performance exploring the nuances of American exceptionalism and the impeachment of Richard Nixon. This will definitely get your family to start arguing about wokeness again.
Merry Christmas, Mercutio!
Witness the brilliant performance of The Royal Shakespeare Academy’s thought-to-be-lost Shakespeare play: Merry Christmas, Mercutio! The play was discovered some years ago, and while many scholars label it as “better left forgotten”, The Royal Shakespeare Academy believed it to be “worth delving into the very surface-level text.” The play takes place as a prequel in which Romeo attempts to throw Mercutio the best Christmas yet! The Royal Shakespeare Academy has stated they “tried their best” and “should have listened to the many scholars”. You should put this on to bore your family into arguing in another room about their new discussion topic of “ethical consumerism during the holidays”.
Teebli’s Fireplace!
While it’s not a movie, it’s the perfect background for those without the traditional hearth! Feel the virtual warmth through the screen and cozy up next to Teebli’s very own fireplace. If you pay good enough attention, you might even notice some Teebli icons and some easter eggs! Who knows, maybe even Teebli’s mascot, Mr. Teeb, will make an appearance and kill the vibe with his poorly timed niche jokes! Put this on when your grandmother complains about how it’s too cold and her joints are in so much pain. It’s better than nothing, and it’s already so hot in the room, so maybe she should just suck it up like she tells you to when you complain about rent prices and how you’re never going to own a home.
Pulp Fiction: An Even Pulpier Christmas!
Quentin Tarantino has attempted to sue Teebli many times over the naming, plot, casting, production, distribution, marketing, radiation, emailing, location, and naming again of Teebli’s original, Pulp Fiction: An Even Pulpier Christmas! Try as he might, Teebli is rock solid in the legal workarounds of this film. It’s an enjoyable watch that will have your dad scratching his head but still saying he “actually had so much fun watching this.” Your family will likely re-enter the room amidst an argument while this is going on to discover your grandmother is non-responsive and “cold to the touch”.
The Santa Clause
Even though this was viewed at Saint Francis Memorial Hospital on cable, you can still view it on Teebli, thanks to the lifelong contract signed by Tim Allen, giving full distribution rights of Tim Allen’s full filmography and all future films, including any mere mention of Tim Allen. Boy, is Disney mad about that one! Anyway, this movie is the first in the Santa Clause series in which divorced dad Scott (Tim Allen) commits manslaughter to unknowingly become Santa Claus! Good luck paying attention to this one while your family blames you for the hospitalisation of your grandmother.
Round and Round
Round and Round is the holiday that just won’t end! Rachel (Vic Michaelis) is forced to relive the same Hanukkah party over and over. Can she figure out the perfect way to break the loop? Tune in on Teebli to find out! This is the perfect movie to put on when your family keeps asking you why you won’t stop watching Christmas movies, since you are all Jewish.
Die Hard
Yippee ki yay, motherfucker.