One of my favorite things to do is buy my kids the biggest box of Crayola crayons I can find, and as they enjoy their fresh colors in a brand-new coloring book, I like to take a look at whatever fun new crayon names the company has come up with.
I had to pause recently, though, when one of the crayons I pulled out of a new box was named “Your Soul Belongs to Us,” with lettering far larger and much more menacing than anything I had ever seen before on a Crayola product.
Immediately I thought that was a little strange. After all, Crayola crayons are for kids, or so I thought. Secondly, “Your Soul Belongs to Us” doesn’t even begin to describe the color, which, as far as I can tell, is some shade of blue.
I ran to my wife to show her the crayon. I was distraught the company would name a crayon something like this and then market it to children. But when I showed her the crayon, she said, “Blueberry Blue. It says Blueberry Blue. What’s wrong with that?”
“What?” I said. “You don’t see that it says ‘Your Soul Belongs to Us?'”
She just rolled her eyes at me; another one of my pranks, she assumed.
Is this message real? And if so, who does my soul now belong to? Could I really just be imagining this?
Nobody else seemed able to read the message on the crayon either, which heightened my anxiety. It also didn’t help that I had just recently discovered an ancient-looking book in our local cemetery and innocently read the Latin incantation on the first page. After flipping through the giant tome’s weathered pages, I came across numerous depictions of what looked like demons ascending from hell, pulling humans down with them into horrifying pits of flames.
Could these events be correlated in any way?
My crayon incident happened about six days ago now, and I’d be lying if I said this hasn’t gotten me a little bit worried. In all of my exhaustive research about Crayola products, I’ve yet to find any mention of a “Your Soul Belongs to Us” crayon. I’ve called the company headquarters numerous times and emailed customer service, and I’ve been assured numerous times there would never be a released crayon with that type of name, and Crayola doesn’t appreciate my insinuation that that might not be the case.
I probably would have let this all go, but the high priestess I went to in my desperation made it clear this was a dire warning I should not ignore. She mentioned something about the sky darkening and an enormous crack in the ground barreling towards me, ever-widening to create an impossible chasm filled with shooting flames. She told me I would lock eyes with the demon Panalax, and immediately my soul would be his to own for all eternity.
But I’ve always been pretty good at compartmentalizing my life, going with the flow and all that, and I feel like I can do the same here. Onward and upward, I guess!