What about selling your organs on the black market?
Dear seniors,
The university Career Center offers you our congratulations and immediate condolences that you are graduating but doing it at this particular moment.
There’s no way around it: The robots are coming for the jobs. The STEM jobs, the hedge fund jobs, whatever it is English majors do - it’s about to be robots all the way down.
Frankly the Career Center is in over our heads on this one. You’d think someone with power would have come up with a contingency by now. But it’s ok seniors – no mass economic reorganization plan, no problem. We’ve identified that there is, in fact, paid work still out there.
Have you considered, for example, a career uprighting little food delivery robots? Supporting emerging tech could be satisfying work. Perhaps you can get hired to screen Google AI summaries for medical malpractice. Or to count the fingers in ChatGPT images to ensure it’s the correct number. Someone could hypothetically pay you for that.
Or maybe you feel called to a service role. Can you imagine yourself as a seeing eye dog for people wearing VR headsets in public? Or as an Alexa emotional support human? What about selling your organs on the black market? We’ve got some viable stuff here.
Maybe you should aim for work that robots actually can’t do, like bearing Elon Musk’s next child. Or providing blood to VCs for life extension transfusions because they can’t accept the fragility of the aging human form. Or maybe you can get paid to stand next to a gene-edited designer baby to assure its parents of its genetic superiority. Sounds pretty automation-proof to us.
Plus there’s always going to be some jobs robots could do, but people still prefer it when humans do it. We heard OpenAI is hiring folks to fan its data center servers with giant palm fronds. That should definitely be automated, but Sam Altman likes to watch.
See? Options.
We should probably tell you that this is the last week for the Career Center, seniors. Our post-graduation employment outcomes are about to get so bad that university administration thinks it’s cleaner if we don’t exist. And also because “doesn’t everyone use ChatGPT for cover letters?” Yes they do.
We’ll see you on the job market,
Your (former) Career Center