It wouldn’t be right for you to have one helping of soup before I get seconds.
I just finished my meal at this James Beard award-winning, newly Michelin-starred restaurant, Ivy League, when I walked by this soup kitchen. Did you know that there’s free food served there? Like, it took me two years to save up and make a reservation at Ivy League and you just walk up from the street and get a meal for nothing!
And sure, it’s just a soup, but it looks pretty hearty. I did just have a 6-course meal, but I could eat again.
Because now that I’m seeing it, I would have loved some soup. That’s one thing that the Ivy League didn’t have. Can you believe it? No soup at all! Just wagyu beef, Alaskan salmon flown in that morning, and Guatemalan cacao for a hand-mixed mole sauce. Not one bowl of watery stew with chunks of sausage in it. You’d think, being so close to the soup kitchen, Ivy League would know to serve that too!
Y’know, people keep trying to make me feel guilty for wanting a bowl from the soup kitchen. They keep saying that “I’ve already eaten” and “can afford to buy my own soup” and “I have access to my father’s credit card.” What they don’t understand is that I worked hard to pay for my meal and deserve some free soup every once in a while. I found the restaurant on Eater, coordinated everyone’s schedules, made the reservation, and drove everyone there. Dining at the Ivy League isn’t easy, you know.
So really, it’s not fair that I paid for my meal and the government paid for yours.
Besides, I’m just being smart by trying to grab a plate from the soup kitchen. Because there is no sharing when it comes to soup. Each person gets one bowl and once that meal is consumed, it’s gone, no more for anyone else. At least, that’s what it’s like when I eat.
So while I’ve never needed soup kitchen soup, I’d still never turn down a free meal. It would be irresponsible not to! Because if I don’t snatch a dish, no one will just give me one.
That’s why I’m taking matters into my own hands. I’m making sure that I eat whatever I want, whenever I want. And if someone else doesn’t get a bowlful, that’s their fault, not mine! I’m ladling soup for myself, you should learn how to advocate for yourself better.
And if you really think about it, I can appreciate the soup better. Like, for you, the soup is fulfilling your lowest rung on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s just lining your belly to ensure you don’t starve. But I would experience the soup at the level of art, you know? Because for me, the soup would be pure pleasure, a salty-liquid top off to an already rich and filling meal. Because even though I don’t really know what bubbled and smoked rosemary foam is, I do know what it’s worth: ten thousand tongue-tingling dollars.