The first round of The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time tournament has finished, and the original group of 64 has now been whittled down to 32 (with the eventual winner getting a cool $200).
Voting to determine The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time® will continue to take place on Twitter, but you will always be able to access the matchups here.
Now get to it!
Sewer Clowns and Pig Dick Region, Round 2
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 30, 2020
Other Things to Do in Fargo Besides Kidnapping Schemes (@MichaelFerro)
vs.
How to Subtly Ask If He'd Be Into a Multi-State Murder Spree (Without It Getting Awkward!)(@cryingbaseball)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 30, 2020
Problems Only Guys Who Have Tarantulas Instead of Hands Can Understand (@brianbooone)
vs.
'How I Sleep at Night' by Sean Hannity (@khyphenrowe)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 30, 2020
The Time Has Come to Arm All Santa Clauses (@Tyler_Holme)
vs.
Students Nationwide Celebrate Start of Summer Break From School Shootings (@oldmattymatt)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 30, 2020
How to Smoke Brisket While Being Forced to Bond With My Stepson Ethan (@sweet_puppy42)
vs.
Ragtag Group of Misfits Soundly Defeated by Disciplined Team From Rich Part of Town (@HolyShitItsKipp)
Sexting Lewd Elves Region, Round 2
Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 29, 2020
Let's Make This Go Viral: A Man With Dementia Writes a Touching Letter to His Family (@JTScatCat)
vs.
A Letter From Camp by a Homesick Child Who Learned to Speak by Reading Thought Catalog (@ideaslucy)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 29, 2020
Elf on the Shelf Arrested for Lewd Conduct (@TimThinksThings)
vs.
12 Decorating Tips for a Warm and Welcoming Paramilitary Bunker (@PrincessSnarkle)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 29, 2020
My Summer as an Infowars Intern (@Sam_the_stone)
vs.
Man Who Dreams of Being World’s Best Waiter Begrudgingly Accepts Acting Role (@ronnypascale)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 29, 2020
My Daughter's Sexts to Her Boyfriend Are Riddled With Grammatical Errors. What Should We Do? (Arya Sajan)
vs.
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Encase Kid Rock (@kevinpnye)
Nihilist Dogs Region, Round 2
Greatest RB Post, Round 2
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 28, 2020
Apartment Infested With Bees? Show Your Landlord You're Still Totally Reasonable About It
vs.
5 Causes of the Civil War That Had Nothing to Do With Raiding General Lee's Compound Before the Genetically Enhanced Super Soldiers Hatched From Their Eggs
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 28, 2020
Zillow Listings From an Orwellian Nightmare (@johnathanappel)
vs.
Study: Dogs Don’t Like Hugs, But Humans Do, So Fuck It (@HerMaddesty)
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 28, 2020
Biking to Work Great Way to Be Sweaty, Late (@VictorColfari)
vs.
Take My Kids, But Please, Leave Me My Instant Pot (@LazyGinger)
Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 28, 2020
Arrested Improv Comedian 'Yes Ands' Himself Into Terrorism Charge (@SnarkHandler)
vs.
I'm the Guy Your Mom Warned You About… If Your Mom Warned You About Guys Who LOVE Solving Riddles! (Dan Caprera)
Farts and Violence Region, Round 2
Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 27, 2020
Paul Ryan Introduces Legislation Allowing Only People in First Place in Mario Kart to Get Blue Shells – @TheMikeBedard
vs.
Pentagon Deploys Thousands of Teachers to War-Torn Classrooms – @MrZachJustice
The Greatest Robot Butt Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 27, 2020
Introducing Lady Doritos, Woman-Chips to Eat With Your Woman-Mouth! (@cbrotz)
vs.
15 Questions You’ll Need to Ask Before You Shoot My Evil Double (@Mtmelzer)
Greatest RB Post of All Time Tourney, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 27, 2020
Changes to the Haunted Hayride After Last Year’s ‘Lawsuit’ Regarding the ‘Real-Life Danger’ of Setting ‘Actual Wolves’ Loose on the Farm (Dakota James)
vs.
Clickbait Articles From a Dystopian Future (@chacod)
Greatest RB Post of All Time Tournament, Round 2 (links in thread)
— Robot Butt (@thisisrobotbutt) April 27, 2020
We Need to Fuck This Guy Up, But First, Let’s Figure Out Where I Should Stand (@aknott21)
vs.
I’m Going on a Haunted House Tour for the History But Also Because I Really Want to Fuck a Ghost (@sarah_michelson)