After hearing all the hype I decided to try out the ketogenic diet. You know, that popular low-carb, high-fat diet that reportedly offers amazing benefits to both the mind and body.
What I can say is this: My mind is now sharper, I have more energy, and I’ve already lost eight pounds! But there are some consequences of the diet that keto fans don’t talk about, and I’m here to spill those (not keto-friendly) beans!
1. You’re Going to Need More Dish Soap
Clean eating = dirty dishes. Yeah, those healthy fats you’re adding to your diet are also getting all over your plates and cookware. Get ready to double up on grease-cutting dish soap!
2. Bad Breath
Turns out that ketone bodies – the molecules that your body produces as fuel when you give it fat and restrict carbohydrates – have an unfortunate effect on your breath. You’ll be exhaling more acetone which can add an unpleasant, fruity odor to your breath. Better stock up on toothpaste too!
3. You Grow a Second Penis
If you don’t already have a penis, this will be your first. Either way, get ready!
4. Keto Flu
This is the most common complaint of the diet. The transition from using carbs as fuel to producing and using ketone bodies can be tough on your body. You may feel sick for anywhere from a few hours to a few days. But hang in there! It’s worth it.
5. A Better Social Life
Being in better shape means feeling better about yourself, and that confidence can translate into being more sociable. And since confidence is attractive, you’ll make more friends. And if you’re looking for romance, that bonus peen is going to be quite an asset!
6. You’re Gonna Be Thirsty!
Your body needs twice as much water to turn fats and proteins into fuel than it does for carbohydrates, so make sure you drink a lot more water. As a result, you’re also going to be peeing a lot more. Looks like having two dicks will come in handy after all!
7. Thanks to That New Penis, Your Sex Life Will Never Be the Same
Now that you have two fully functional penises (or your first brand-new penis if you didn’t have one before!) your sex life is in for a big change. Enjoy every sexual misadventure that comes from this!
8. You’re Going to Notice Carbs Everywhere
It may have seemed easy enough to keep your carbohydrate intake to under 10% of your total caloric intake, but you’re going to be surprised how quickly those little bits of carbs add up. Even after these two weeks, I find myself gasping at how many carbs I’ve already eaten by lunch!
9. Your Second Penis Is Named Reggie
We don’t know why! Mine is too. (If you break your keto diet Reggie will die.)
