Mega Man
In this gritty war story, Mega Man (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is reimagined as an orphaned Romanian youth wandering around Europe during World War II, hunting down the level bosses from the Mega Man series, who in this world are all high-ranking Nazis. Mega Man’s robot body has a steampunk vibe and a prominent crotch bulge. The trailer features a haunting cover of Sisqo’s “Thong Song.”
Q*bert
A dark comedy featuring the titular character (Ray Liotta) as a cynical warehouse worker who becomes tangled up in a drug deal gone bad. Q*bert’s character design mirrors that of the video games with the addition of photorealistic human legs and feet, and human teeth at the end of his snout. He swears profusely.
Katamari Damacy
In this tear-jerking drama, Jesse Plemons plays a schizophrenic homeless man obsessed with rolling garbage into balls. On the same day his wife shows up to tell him she intends to move out of state with their daughter unless he gets the help he needs, the King of All Cosmos (Bob Odenkirk) arrives from space to inform him of his cosmic destiny. The trailer features a terrifying rendition of LFO’s “Summer Girls.”
Donkey Kong World
A sci-fi adventure film in which Captain Donkey Kong of the starship Bananas must find a new home planet for all the Kongs after a cataclysmic alien attack ends all life on Earth. All the Kongs are played by actual trained gorillas and voiced by the entire cast of the 2000s primetime soap The O.C. The trailer features a deeply somber version of OutKast’s “Hey Ya!”
Crash Jams It
An inspirational sports movie in which Crash Bandicoot (Hannibal Buress) plays the first bandicoot ever allowed to play in the NBA. The movie crosses over with the NBA Jam franchise; all the movies’ humans have massively oversized heads and the basketball scenes feature players jumping ten to twenty feet in the air and occasionally making the ball catch fire.
Goldeneye: Unboxed
The characters inside a game of GoldenEye learn that the the Golden Gun is actually a magical artifact that can help them break out of the endless cycle of brutal death that is their existence. The movie is animated entirely in the style of the 1997 video game; blocky-headed characters with pasted-on faces speak without moving their lips or changing their expressions. All characters make constant meta-references to their actors’ other movies, particularly Alec Trevelyan (Sean Bean), who dies 148 times.
Duck Hunt: The Beginning
A hapless hunter (Jay Baruchel) and his sassy talking gun dog (Aziz Ansari) discover that demons are beginning to possess the world’s ducks. Viola Davis plays an angel who tasks them with hunting devil ducks with a supernatural weapon called the Light Gun. The trailer features Aaliyah’s “Are You That Somebody?”
Where in Life Is Carmen Sandiego?
Carmen Sandiego (Aubrey Plaza) is a young woman who works for a Hollywood production house, creating video game adaptations that cynically mine social media engagement from disaffected millennials via a calculated combination of nostalgia, absurdism, baffling choices in tone and character design, and obnoxious advertising. Her career leaves her conflicted and she does bar trivia to blow off steam. The trailer features the most melancholy cover of Bloodhound Gang’s “The Bad Touch” the studio could find.
1 Comment
My crazy take is that we need a Sims movie. Could be about almost anything. SAW-like horror movie where people are in a house and all the doors disappear? I’m there on opening night.