MEADSVILLE, Ind. – Fresh off the heels of another National Milk Day, hospitals around the country have started the nine-month countdown to the yearly onslaught of “Milk Day babies.”
Considered the most sensual day of the year in the United States, millions of couples and one-night stands alike find the day-long celebration of the dairy product to be the perfect ingredient for an incredible, mind-altering and, ultimately, life-changing orgasm.
“It’s the most romantic day of the year,” said 32-year-old Kerry Toth, who planned with her husband to make a child this Milk Day. “Everything about this day is special. Something in the air is so magical, you know? It just feels right.”
But scientists, when they aren’t themselves filling their Milk Days with sex marathons so intense they are taken to the brink of insanity, are wondering just what it is about the cherished holiday that is causing so many couples to have more sex than any other day of the year.
“My wife and I of course had sex four times on Milk Day, but we still can’t explain it ourselves,” said University of Indiana sociologist Taran Simpson. “There is just something about milk, and National Milk Day in particular, that leads to, quite frankly, an obscene amount of fucking.”
While Milk Day studies account for 85 percent of all university-related research in the United States, researchers are no closer to an answer, “but we can say with certainty that cow milk, goat milk, frog milk, and for a brief time after the release of the film Meet the Parents, even cat milk, all play an essential role in National Milk Day foreplay.”
