Here’s the deal:
There are few things in this world that everyone agrees upon. Sunsets are pretty. The Return of the King had too many endings. Pizza is just the best.
And while shoving greasy meat and cheese triangles into our mouths is the closest to true happiness most of us will ever achieve, it is strange that pizza’s status as a cultural constant is not regularly shouted from the mountaintops, or even the airwaves. There is a famous pop song about Paula Abdul fucking a cartoon cat, but no rockabilly tune called “Pizza Boogie” or a sappy country song named “Stuck with the Crust Again”?
Fear not, dear readers, for while popular music may deem pizza unworthy of homage, indie music has you covered.
First off is “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell” by Das Racist. A jaunty little tune, it’s the type of song I like to think Stephen Foster would have written if he knew what rap was, regularly visited a combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell and hadn’t died in 1864.
In the song the members of Das Racist playfully rap about that Mecca of American commerce, the combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Just to be sure you’d know how important it is, they named the song after it, and said the phrase about twenty times. Enjoy.
If your pizza song tastes run more melancholy, then you’ll love Jonathan Coulton’s “Pizza Day.” It tells the tale of how a school pizza day is the high-water mark of the week for many children.
Using a slow, gentle beat coupled with soft vocals, “Pizza Day” sounds like a lullaby, as indeed it should. Whether in school or out of it, how many of us have had life momentarily shine at the notion of, “Today, today I will have pizza”?
Lastly, Ween’s “Cheese” songs are probably the most fun songs about pizza you are likely to find. Back when Pizza Hut was in the early stages of finding new ways to give us all diabetes, they created the stuffed crust pizza. To promote their horrific delicious product, they enlisted the band Ween to create a jingle, despite the fact that Ween was an experimental avant-garde rock band.
The band delivered “Where’d the Cheese Go?” to the Pizza Hut execs, only to be rejected. The band then opted to record a vulgar version of the song and released both on the Internet, which became the most significant event in human history.
I’m sure there are other great pizza tunes out there, but I’m guessing they are similarly obscure. If you have any, feel free to post your favorites below.
But seriously, you can eat pizza anytime.
