A Seemingly Existential Letter of Resignation From My Fidget Spinner
Dec04

A Seemingly Existential Letter of Resignation From My Fidget Spinner

Dear Human, I am writing to notify you that I am resigning from my position as your fidget spinner, effective two weeks from this date. I hope this notice provides adequate time for you to find a replacement for coping with your anxiety; perhaps actually starting your Lexapro prescription or not constantly refreshing your Twitter and Instagram will help. I must say, this was not an easy decision to make. By the way, did you ever watch...

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Other Things That Are My Favorite, According to Donald Trump’s Definition of ‘Favorite’
Dec04

Other Things That Are My Favorite, According to Donald Trump’s Definition of ‘Favorite’

“We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”- @realDonaldTrump 1. Yellow Starburst® 2. The sound of a fork scraping the bottom of a pot 3. Stray Band-Aids on the sidewalk 4. How Dawson Leery from Dawson’s Creek always ruined...

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The Top 5 Tips for Your Gender Reveal Party, a Totally Not Creepy Thing
Nov29

The Top 5 Tips for Your Gender Reveal Party, a Totally Not Creepy Thing

It’s almost time to see  –  what’s it going to be? An ambitious little he, or a bossy little she? What’s in store for your your bundle of joy? Will it be hair bows or bow ties? Glitter or guns? Earning seventy-seven cents on the dollar or dying early of a stroke? Finding out is a joyful moment that you’ll definitely want to share with family, friends, Carol from your car pool – the list goes on! Here are some ideas to make...

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Explaining to My Wife’s Coworker That I Found a $10 Million Photo of Billy the Kid at a Garage Sale for a Living
Nov28

Explaining to My Wife’s Coworker That I Found a $10 Million Photo of Billy the Kid at a Garage Sale for a Living

The man in the wrinkled, short-sleeve button-up sighs over his beer. It’s been a hell of a week, he says. The boss man, a real task master, has been riding him like a chairlift since Tuesday. TGIF, and plus it’s an especially tense time, what with the holidays coming up and all. Budgets never take a vacation, but such is the life of an accountant. Numbers, his father warned, they make a cruel mistress. The three-day weekend, at least,...

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Hey Millennials, Want to Get Your Shit Together? Read My Book, ‘The Millennial’s Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together’
Nov20

Hey Millennials, Want to Get Your Shit Together? Read My Book, ‘The Millennial’s Guide to Getting Your Sh*t Together’

Hello Fellow Humans and Those of Artificial Intelligence, My name is Catie Hogan and I’m a financial planner by day and comedy writer by night. A weird combination, I know. I’m passionate about two things: funny and money, but for a long time, I really didn’t have much of either in my life. After I got my own shit together, I was determined to find a way to help people who were like me: drowning in student loans, stuck in jobs they...

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Graphic Tees That *Actually* Define My Mid-Twenties
Nov18

Graphic Tees That *Actually* Define My Mid-Twenties

We all have those positive, empowering graphic tees like “Peace, Love, Music,” “Wake, Pray, Slay,” and (my personal fave) “Good Vibes Only.” After all, positive words on my bod prove to the world that, yes, I have my shit together at all times, and yes, I am sending those passing by ~vibes~ because I have all the ~~vibes~~ to give, am-I-right?! For those moments when our $40 inspo cotton tees do not reflect the mental breakdowns that...

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