CHICAGO – Excited at the prospect of watching a real-life season of The Office play out in her workplace, Monica Fuller – an employee of The Yorkshire Firm – came to the crushing realization today that the budding office romance of her two coworkers lacked all the drama and humor of the workplace romances she had seen on TV.
“Ed [Johnson] and Fran [Pugh] started dating about a year ago, and it was the hottest gossip our office had seen since the marketing department got laid off in ’06,” Fuller said. “Personally, I thought Ed was a little too attractive and outgoing for Fran, but I figured that would just add to the drama.”
Fuller’s hopes for a thrilling and dramatic primetime show began to wane just four weeks after the relationship began.
“Oscar Wilde said that life imitates art, but he clearly never met Ed and Fran,” Fuller said. “There was no will-they-won’t-they back and forth like in Cheers, there definitely wasn’t any of the comedy of The Office, and they hardly even bothered keeping it secret like Ben and Leslie on Parks and Recreation. Instead they just quietly went on dates and went home at night and fucked each other.”
However, as Johnson and Pugh’s relationship blossomed, Fuller began to look forward to the possibility of a must-see wedding. Never one to worry about spoilers, Fuller pressed Pugh for details about her wedding, but she remained tight-lipped and secretive, determined to only talk about it to her “actual friends outside of this office.”
With all of the secrecy around the event, Fuller’s excitement grew to a fever pitch. But her dreams were dashed again when she overheard the couple in the break room talking about their plans to “save some money and just go to the courthouse with a few close friends.”
Even in the face of this unbearably boring relationship, Fuller held on to hope. “Beginnings can be rough, but I was really excited when I saw Fran go out to lunch with a different guy,” she said. “I figured that would make a great season closer, but I found out later that day they were just working overtime on a project.”
While Fuller is disappointed with the way the Ed and Fran storyline has played out, she remains optimistic about two new minority characters who were recently added to accounts receivable.
