MANCHESTER, N.H. – Just days after Donald Trump told children he was Batman, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders announced to a group of children that he was, in fact, the superhero Blade after being asked by a young boy.
“Yeah I’m Blade, sure,” Sanders said, referring to the half-human, half-vampire African-American vampire hunter. “Which should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone.”
Standing at the podium, the frail, old and blatantly white Sanders continued to reassure the crowd that he was the sword-wielding supernatural protector of humanity.
“If you look back, I have always fought for the working class and for the rights of everyone to have a livable wage,” Sanders argued, as if this was something Blade did.
As the event continued, the supposed Daywalker began to use more inflammatory rhetoric. “As President, I will take on the big banks the same way I took on…uh…Lex Lutheran. I will fight for the 99% with all of my telekinetic abilities.”
In response to Sanders’ statement, Hillary Clinton also announced that she is Hong Kong Phooey and would use her weather-controlling abilities and fight for women’s issues with all the fervor she used to take on the Flash.
