From the Leaked Transcripts of the Presidential “The Foreign Emoluments “Let’s See What We Can Get Away With” Subcommittee of the Presidential Committee on Really, Really Nice Stuff: A Moment of Clarity (and Several Moments of Sheer, Unadulterated Panic)
In a stunning display of his unwavering commitment to the American taxpayer, President Donald J. Trump recently engaged in a high-level discussion regarding a proposed gift from the Qatari government: a state-of-the-art, gold-plated, possibly sentient aircraft. What followed was a masterclass in international relations.
The following is a verbatim (we swear, we’re not even exaggerating) transcript of that meeting, obtained through highly classified, totally-not-a-dumpster-dive methods.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio: “Qatar wants to give you a plane. Now, obviously, we can’t accept.”
President Donald J. Trump: “What kind of plane?”
Rubio: “Well, it doesn’t matter because legally…”
Trump: “Show me the plane.”
Rubio (slides photo across conference table): “So the concern I have is that-“
Trump: “This is a nice plane.”
Rubio: “Uh, it’s very nice, yes. So, the concern-“
Trump: “Is this is the best plane?”
Rubio: “What?”
Trump: “In the world?”
Rubio: “I- I don’t… listen there’s a security concern that I think we-“
Trump: “I think it’s the best plane in the world. Everyone is saying it.”
Rubio: “Who… who is saying it? No one one knows about it except the people in this room.”
Trump: “Everyone in this room is saying it, right?”
Group murmurs their agreement. Rubio stares around him, remembering when hurricanes were the most complicated situations he had to manage.
Rubio: “It probably might be the best plane in the world. But the issue is can we trust-“
Trump: “Let’s go take a ride.”
Rubio: “A ride? Well, it’s in Qatar. We can’t…”
Trump: “When will it be here?”
Rubio: “We would have to accept it first, and what I’m saying is-“
Trump (standing): “Well, let me know when it gets here. I have a tee time. The North Korean ambassador says he has a prank exploding golf ball to show me. Says it will blow my mind.”
Link to news source for timeliness verification: [Insert Link to reputable news article about the Qatar plane donation offer]