*In order to protect the identities of the two boys, they will referred to simply as Head (H), and Legs (L).
L: Ok, so you sit on my shoulders, we’ll say that we’re a grown-up and that we want to be president.
H: And if we win, we can make whatever rules we want!
L: Yeah! Like, no school and free Fortnite skins.
H: Yessssss. This is going to be so lit!
L: So dad says that Donald Trump is the best president, so let’s watch him on YouTube to see how we should dress and act.
H: Ok…..does your dad have any big red ties like that?
L: O yeah, he has a bunch.
H: What should we say our name is?
L: Well dad says that Ronald Reagan is the 2nd best president, so maybe Ron something?
Legs’ mom calling from downstairs: Boys! We’re getting take-out from DeSanti’s, do you want spaghetti again?
———
L: Ok, if we’re going to run for president we need to tell everybody so that they will vote for us.
H: Yeah yeah, so like should we make posters and stuff?
L: No! This isn’t like at school, this is for grown-ups. How do grown-ups announce that they are running for president?
H: I don’t know, Twitter?
L: Yes!!!
———
L: Everyone is looking at us. Act like the other grown-ups that we studied on YouTube.
H: What, like smile and wave?
L: Yes! Hurry up! They are taking pictures of us!
H: Ok ok ok.
L:…..
H:………
L: Why are you smiling like that??? You look super sus.
H: This is how the other grown-up were smiling!
L: No it’s not! Just stop. Stop smiling now!
H: Ok!
L:…..
H: What do I do with my arms?
L: What do you mean?
H: Like where do I put my arms?
L: I don’t know, just make them like normal.
H: ok ok ok, I think i look normal.
———
H: Oh my god, 5th grade is so stupid
L: I know, why does Ms. Olsen make us read EVERY day?
H: I hate reading, it’s so boring. I would learn so much more if we watched TikTok in class instead.
L: That would be so bussin’.
H: Yeah, definitely bussin’….alot of bussin’, fam.
L: What?
H: Never mind, books are so stupid.
L: Really stupid.
H: I wish that books were banned. Like they were illegal.
L: …..I have a plan.
———
H: The other grown-ups are taller than us, stand up taller.
L: I’m trying! You’re really heavy.
H: Do tippy-toes!
L: I am!
H: What if we had like super special shoes that made us taller
L:……That’s actually a really good idea.
———
H: Stop grabbing my legs!
L: You almost fell off!
H: No I didn’t! You did!
L: What???
H: Just stooooop!
L: I’m not doing anything.
H: Stop touching my leg! What are you, gay?
L: No! I’m not gay, you’re gay.
H: No, you’re gay!
L: No, you’re gay!
H: You’re gay!
L: Stop calling me, gay!
H: You stop calling me gay!
L: Only if you stop calling me gay.
H: Ok fine, neither of us say gay.
L: Fine, no-one is allowed to say gay.
H: Fine.
———
L: ……did you just eat that pudding with your hand?
———
L: I’m so tired, I don’t want to be president anymore.
H: Yeah, this so boring. Let’s just play Roblox instead.
L: Yeah!
H: So do we just stop, or do we have to tell someone?
L: I think we have to say something. Let’s say something cool.
H: What do we say?
L: I don’t know. Look up #motivationalquotes on TikTok.
H: Ok……how about this one?
L: Sure, whatever.
H: So we’ll say we got this from TikTok?
L: No, boomers don’t use TikTok. Say it’s from someone that boomers like.
H: Ok lemme google that. How about this guy?
L: Who’s Winston Churchill?
H: I don’t know, some old guy
L: Whatever that’s fine, I’m hungry.