Dear Mom and Dad,
It’s come to my attention that Aunt Suzy walked in on Cousin Leroy masturbating to a pornographic image of me bent over a table in assless chaps while choking on a ball gag. If you give me five minutes of your time, I can explain.
As you both know, I lost my job as a carpenter during the height of the pandemic. After several months of unemployment, I broke the news that I had secured a full-time remote position as a marketing coordinator for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You’ve probably pieced together that this was a bald-faced lie. Instead, I chose to pursue a career I’ve longed to be a part of since watching a bootleg copy of the 1974 film Him while attending Baylor University. A profession that, in a way, mirrors carpentry. Working with firm wood remains a central theme, but I’ve traded in my hammers and nails for dildos and cock rings.
Yes, Mom and Dad: I’ve become an OnlyFans content creator.
I’m drafting this email to you in my notes app while working with my scene partner, Thickem McDickem. The force at which I’m taking blows to the backside may result in the occasional typo. I hope you understaaandyddvm.
While I’d prefer to discuss this sensitive information face-to-face, I received a rather scathing email from Aunt Suzy, who claims neither of you wants anything to do with me. She went on to assert that I need a strong dose of holy water to eradicate my “inner demons.” I have news for all three of you killjoys. There’s a much stronger fluid blasting me in the face these days. It stings twice as much and heals the soul in ways sanctified H2O never could.
I didn’t want either of you to find out this way. If I could turn back time and tell you the truth, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Then again, Lord knows I’ve tried to open up to you both. But you always kept your doors locked tight. Thankfully, I’ve found a supportive group of companions who keep their doors open 24/7. And anytime they need to release their pent-up emotions, you’d better believe I’m here for them, fully prepared to have my doors blown clean off their hinges.
Honestly, I thought you’d be proud of me. You always told me to invest in myself. I’ve made a modest career selling lewd photos and videos of my body to strangers (and Cousin Leroy) online. If that isn’t investing in myself, I don’t know what is. Aunt Suzy also accused me of not attending church because I lacked the courage to face the judgment of God. But I don’t feel as if God is judging me on my journey of self-discovery. Frankly, I’ve never felt closer to my creator. I pray to him every time I’m on my knees, which is quite often.
I hope Aunt Suzy finds it in her heart to go easy on Cousin Leroy. As disturbing as the situation is, he’s one of my top patrons, and I’d hate to lose his support. The fact he’s the only member of this close-minded family who approves of my lifestyle is incredibly disheartening. I’m not asking you to bust a nut to my material. But then again, if you’ve ever wondered how your firstborn son would handle a dozen burly Scandinavian men running a train on him, I’m having a sale next month for new subscribers. Just saying.
Regardless of what transpires between us, please know that I am happy. God is with me, and you can be with me, too.
Your son,
Jordan ‘The Drill Buster’ Williams
PS: In case it wasn’t self-evident by the double entendre, I’m gay.
