(Names have not been changed to protect student identity)
Dear Professor Blank,
Do we have to read the “required books” on that really long course outline you sent?
Best, Brendan Blawnder
Hello Brendan,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
To answer your question: No.
And good luck in the course!
* * *
Yo doc Blanc
I know it’s sorta late in the term. Do you take attendance, does it count for my participation mark? 10% for participation it says on the course outline. Can I make up for lost attendance and missed assignments by having more Zoom meetings with you? Saturdays and Sundays at 6:00 pm is good for me, after work. Great!
Biff L.
Dear Biff,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
Yes, I take attendance (you are one of those black squares, I presume); but no, it does not count toward your participation mark: we are not allowed to count attendance while “course learnings” are in “delivery modes” that use the Pandemic Response Hybrid Multi-Modality Blended Model, because it wouldn’t be fair, or something. You can make up for lost assignments with a creative project of some sort (a poem, postcard, a drawing, perhaps—or just cash), but forget Zoom. No Zoom. No no no.
And good luck in completing the course!
* * *
Hey Mr Blank
Just wondering, yo, if I miss a bunch of classes, because it is really hard to get to campus on the bus early in the morning, with the all the bus routes, will I get marked down? Do you need my student number, I am not sure if I got one yet? But I have a bus pass. But there’s no classes, right, just Zoom?
From Aaron Erin (he/she/whatever)
Hello Aaron,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
To answer your first question: No.
To answer your second question: No.
To answer your third question: Yes, just Zoom, when its working.
Yes, public transportation to campus is difficult to figure, given that buses and bus routes have all those numbers. Since you have a bus pass, just take a bus and see if it eventually gets to campus. However, I am not sure there is anyone on campus.
And good luck in the course!
* * *
Dr. blank phd,
The weather report says it might maybe snow next week! Will you cancel our class?
Thanks,
Alphie-Lynn Pyning
PS. Snow is so nice! Will we be watching any movies in this course? My History course showed movies about old things every single zooming class, which was totally dope.
Hello Alphie,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
To answer your questions: We’ll just have see, won’t we—about cancelling class because of snow, that is. Not sure if Zoom is affected by snow. But keep your fingers crossed! Sorry: the University cancelled its Netflix account because of too many (16,648) faculty sub-accounts. We were scheduled to watch Frozen II as a comparison with Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening,” which would have been cozy on a snowy day. Hmm, but now that I think about it, Netflix doesn’t carry the Frozen movies, just Disney+, so—so let me get back to you.
And good luck in the course!
* * *
Dear Professor;
I have been feeling unwell for the first month or two of the course. Do you need a doctors note from my massage therapist because she says I can get one if you want one.
Thanks,
Sandall Hurpeez (pronouns: what’s a pronoun?)
Dear Sandall,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
No. You don’t need a doctor’s note from your massage therapist, though it might be very interesting to read one. During the COVID era, medical notes from health practitioners are no longer required for student absence; a black square any time during a Zoom with your name is fine. Hope you are feeling better soon, and regards to your massage therapist. (Her name isn’t Mindy, is it?)
Good luck in the course!
* * *
Dear Mrs Blank,
my friends uncle in Portland thinks he has covid and my friend was talking to him on the phone so I am not sure it would be safe for me to come to attend class to transmit it, please send me all your notes, recordings, and the quizzes I missed, thanks so much!!!
Mo 🙂
Dear Mo 🙂
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
To answer your request: University Administration is responding and adapting to the pandemic—daily. Words like “support,” “options,” “flexibility,” and “accessibilty” are used in every fricking memo. I don’t have any course notes or lecture recordings, since I have no idea where they will end up; and I seem to have misplaced the quizzes. I do, however, have lots and lots of PowerPoint slides which I can send to you, if I can only figure out how to compress the files into a “zipped folder,” whatever that is.
And good luck in the course!
* * *
Hi,
I may have some ISSUES that have stopped ME from attending most of the classes this term. My grandma was SICK too. Your classes are AMAZING!
From Skye Whombit
Dear Skye,
Thank you for your email, and for enrolling in “Contemporary Things that We Hope You Really Like that are Easy 101.”
To answer your question: Do you have a question?.
And good luck in the course!