So, you were startled awake during the night (again) and are finally starting to believe that whatever is happening to you might just be supernatural after all. Well, congrats, accepting that you are being haunted is the first step to stopping it.
The second and most important step, however, is a bit tougher. You need to figure out what type of haunting you have fallen victim to. Is it the prestige horror usually exemplified by A24, or the sensational studio horror you’ve seen repeatedly in films by Warner Brothers or Blumhouse? Use this quick-fix guide to figure it out once and for all.
1. You’ve kept a journal of everything strange that occurred over the last week. When you read it back, it shows:
- Nightly scarings escalating by the day (studio horror)
- Nothing, actually (prestige horror)
2. The horror is coming from that haunted doll in the parlor. Is the doll from:
- The 1930s (studio horror)
- The Forgotten Age of Lords and Dark Magicks (prestige horror)
3. Your parents just came to help. Are they:
- Trying their best (studio horror)
- Obviously a metaphor (prestige horror)
4. You just got spooked! Did it happen in:
- Wide shot that took double digits of runtime (prestige horror)
- 63 cuts in two minutes (studio horror)
5. You need to think this thing through, so you go to:
- The library, where a book is already open to a B&W picture of the monster after you (studio horror)
- A pristine outdoor area already tweeted by One Perfect Shot (prestige horror)
6. Are you sure you’re in a horror movie?
- Yes, it says so on the poster (studio horror)
- No, but the guy at the ticket counter said it was (prestige horror)
7. Can you tell us what’s happening?
- No, but I don’t think that’s my fault (prestige horror)
- Yes, a college professor explained it all to me last scene (studio horror)
8. The real culprit all along was:
- Satan (studio horror)
- Satan (prestige horror)
9. The farm animal outside just:
- Got eaten to show the creature is hungry (studio horror)
- Walked over, introduced itself, and shook your hand (prestige horror)
10. How long would you say this has been going on?
- A long 80 minutes (studio horror)
- A brisk three hours (prestige horror)