“He had a deep voice and said my name three times. I showed up in my cutest blood-stained romper and had a lovely candlelight dinner in his bathroom. He never contacted me again.”
– Bloody Mary
“It was doomed from the start. We both love the song ‘Come Sail Away,’ but she gets seasick and naturally lost interest after I told her about me being cursed to sail the seas forever.”
– The Flying Dutchman
“I thought I was ready. I’m no Scrooge and always picked up the check, but I mentioned my ex too many times one night and never heard from her again. She’s right. I need to move on.”
– The Ghost of Christmas Past
“To text thee or not to text thee, that is the question. Did thou not have a good time? Art thou still alive? Aye. Nay. Tis a mystery fit for the stage.”
– King Hamlet
*Burp* “Ya know, as a ball of slime that loves to eat, there’s only so much I can do. She couldn’t stand my stench and ended things when I refused to switch to a plant-based diet.”
– Slimer
“There was this cute wizard. He heard me moaning in the stall and introduced himself. I felt embarrassed but I did need a prom date. He went MIA after we got caught necking in Dumbledore’s office. I still moan but have been known to sob about it in the ladies room.”
– Moaning Myrtle
“He cut off all contact. I didn’t catfish him. It’s right there in the name. I arrived early and he screamed and ran off the second he saw me. I make sure to carry it around with me now.”
– The Headless Horseman
“Well yes, she did break up with me, from a certain point of view.”
– Ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi
“We met online and exchanged racy photos for a couple months. It was fun but it fizzled out because I was more into it than she was. I think I saw her at a music festival but I’m not sure.”
– The Snapchat Ghost aka Ghostface Chillah
“It’s unfortunate. We were inseparable. I was haunting her house, but we became good friends. She married a mortal before I could tell her how I really feel. Nice ghosts really do finish last.”
– Casper the Friendly Ghost
