Four years ago, I wrote a bit of Seinfeld fanfiction detailing the political leanings of the gang and their supporting players in a fantasy episode I dubbed “The Election.”
Well, after four years of horror, along with absurdities even the Seinfeld writers’ room couldn’t have concocted, it seems fitting to revisit the gang in a sequel episode that I’ll call “The Election Part 2: The Pandemic.”
Jerry – Mostly Apolitical – Supporting Any Functioning Adult (Joe Biden)
Last election cycle, Jerry was being courted by Elaine to vote for Hillary Clinton, while his girlfriend at the time was pushing hard for him to support Bernie Sanders. Jerry has managed to keep his primary vote secret for the last four years, but Elaine is convinced he voted for Sanders even if he didn’t want to.
This time around he’s willing to vote for anyone as long as it means Donald Trump goes back to being “the guy with the hotels.”
Jerry’s other major current concerns involve surviving the COVID crisis and besting his rival Dr. Tim Whatley.
On the former point, Jerry has rarely ventured outside since April, making his apartment a “clean room” full of sanitation products that he is constantly using to disinfect everything. He gets regular food and Amazon deliveries, and has installed a transparent plastic sheet in front of his door to talk to people through, something Kramer keeps slamming into despite it being there for months.
At one point, though, George becomes fed up with the plastic barrier and while Jerry is in the bathroom crawls underneath it to get inside. Reentering the living room, Jerry is appalled to find George eating Maraschino cherries out of the jar with his bare hands.
As for Whatley, both he and Jerry have been working with an online “get out the vote” donation platform that tracks your progress. Jerry has been recording brand-new stand-up sets to accrue donations, but Whatley has been doing better even though he keeps posting the hackiest political jokes imaginable, something that frustrates Jerry to no end.
When a local group offers to make a sizable donation, one that will put him well over the top of Whatley, Jerry is overjoyed, until he finds out they insist on him appearing in person for a set. Dressed in a painter suit, rubber gloves, and a gas mask, Jerry performs a muffled stand-up set to a smattering of applause.
Elaine – Lifelong Democrat – Supporting Joe Biden
Elaine was devastated by Hillary Clinton’s loss four years ago along with the ensuing Trump presidency, and has increased her efforts to ensure a Democratic victory this go-round. She preferred Elizabeth Warren for the current election cycle, but when that option became nonviable she reluctantly switched her support to Biden, stating, “Another old white man. Sure. Whatever.”
She’s been canvassing for Biden and seemingly securing support, but is horrified when she discovers her frenemy Sue Ellen Mischke has been following her canvassing route and getting people to flip. Sue Ellen, always one to go against the grain, doesn’t think Biden is up to the task and is instead canvassing for Green Party candidate Howie Hawkins, an old boyfriend. Regarding following her, Sue Ellen states, “All’s fair, Elaine.”
Furious, Elaine starts doubling back and talking to people she had spoken to before, including the Seinfelds who have been quarantining with Uncle Leo since April and hating it – “He’s driving us nuts!” Morty says.
Elaine relays her frustrations about Sue Ellen to Jerry, but doesn’t get a helpful response:
Dispirited, Elaine ends up wandering the streets and accosting strangers, desperately handing out pins, grabbing people by the collar, pleading with them to vote for Biden.
Kramer – Disillusioned with the System – Refusing to Vote
Following the failure of his grassroots effort to win Rand Paul the presidency, along with witnessing the Trump administration unfold, Kramer is totally disillusioned with politics and declares the system is nearly beyond repair. He now believes the only way to fix things is through the next generation – so he starts a campaign to get ten-year-olds the right to vote.
He is also deathly afraid of catching COVID, and has been wearing three masks at a time everywhere he goes. As he tells Jerry:
While out picking up some political signs he had ordered – “The system is broken!”; “Let the kids decide!”; “Eat the old!” – Kramer comes across a group of anti-maskers roaming the streets in a demonstration. Terrified, he turns a corner into an alley, finding a different group of individuals in dark clothes, albeit masked, making him breathe a sigh of relief.
One of the masked people is Darin, Kramer’s old intern from Kramerica Industries. Darin only recently got out of prison after “going away for a long, long time” for theft, trespassing, and dropping a giant ball of oil on a woman. Horrified by what he witnessed in prison, Darin says, “The system IS broken, Mr. Kramer,” and begins to outline a “new way.” And this is how Kramer slowly gets drawn into Antifa.
Later, Kramer starts to question his former intern’s views and becomes unsettled by Darin regularly staring into the distance with purpose.
George – Social Liberal, Fiscal Conservative – Supporting No One, at First
George Costanza, seeing no candidates he could stomach in the last election, took another route at the time. In the present, as he and Elaine stand outside Jerry’s plastic barrier, he tells them who he opted for in 2016:
Though he still loathes Trump, this election cycle has gone much the same way for George, as he has no candidate he can connect with. When Elaine expresses dismay at the idea of Trump winning again, George isn’t worried, stating “Believe me, I know what it looks like when someone’s about to get fired.”
He changes his tune, though, when he comes upon the same anti-mask protest and Trump rally that Kramer saw, with Puddy, Mr. Wilhelm, Mr. Kruger, Crazy Joe Davola, the Soup Nazi, and Lloyd Braun all in attendance. They are all diehard Trump supporters and firm believers in QAnon conspiracy theories, as George discovers:
Later, George relays everything to Jerry and Elaine.
George is totally shaken, and now fully dreads a Trump reelection. Declaring, “It’s Biden! It’s gotta be Biden!,” he decides to start phone banking to contact voters in battleground states.
Newman – Pure Evil – Undetermined
Last election cycle, Newman supported Ted Cruz in the primaries, much to everyone’s dismay. With Cruz’s loss, Newman eventually came to support Trump, reveling in the unrest he caused both on the campaign trail and, later, within his own administration.
Newman’s support began to waver, however, after Trump started dismantling the Post Office, threatening Newman’s job and making his daily routines exceedingly harder. He also took exception to Trump saying, “Those mailmen are real creeps, believe me.”
In an uneasy alliance, Newman and George join forces and begin making calls with a local election group. With new and horrifying stories regularly reported on the group’s muted TV, George becomes more and more agitated and hysterical on the phone with each call, scaring off many people. Newman, meanwhile, refuses to follow the phone script and will only talk about the importance and history of the Post Office.
With both of them doing more harm than good, they are eventually fired from their phone banking volunteer roles and escorted from the building, with Newman shouting through the door, “You have no respect for the noble profession of the mail carrier!”
Disgusted with both Trump and now the Democrats, Newman’s had enough.
Close of the Episode
As the various plotlines play out, we’re left focused on Kramer’s story. He wants to break away from Darin’s group, but doesn’t know how to do so. As the two walk, Darin rambles on about his Antifa plans and pronounces voting “totally pointless,” which attracts the attention of two groups simultaneously.
Epilogue
As the credits roll, it is now night and we find Elaine still wandering the streets, looking depressed. She comes to rest on the steps of a brownstone townhouse, utterly dejected. Someone unseen to her and the audience opens the door and asks her what’s wrong. She unloads everything that’s going on, weakly ending with:
