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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Politics»A Letter From the President: ‘I Will Not Let Antifa Steal Your Candy’
    Politics

    A Letter From the President: ‘I Will Not Let Antifa Steal Your Candy’

    Matthew UlmerBy Matthew UlmerOctober 1, 2020Updated:October 21, 2020No Comments2 Mins Read
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    Kids trick or treating

    November 1, 2020

    Dear {FIRSTNAME LASTNAME},

    Last night the Leftists reached a new low in their War against America. They recruited their youth to join them in the streets in riotous protest against the most CHERISHED ideals of our Great Nation. They have always wanted to take away your freedoms, to control what you can say and eat. And what happened last night? They came for your candy.  

    What’s next, your guns? Make no mistake: the army of masked children that infiltrated your peaceful suburban neighborhood last night want to SCARE you out of your liberties. 

    We will not cower to the likes of children! I am proud of you, {FIRSTNAME LASTNAME}, because as a True Patriot, you stood strong. Even as they came within six feet of your house and threatened you to relinquish your God-given right to eat sugar, you turned off the lights and pretended you weren’t home. And what was their terroristic retaliation? That’s right – desecrating our country’s most ESSENTIAL groceries. Never forget the eggs cruelly cracked upon our houses, the toilet paper shamelessly unspooled within our trees. Those animals! And they wonder why we’ve been building prisons for children!

    Hopefully you see now the clear evidence of what is at stake November 3. I won’t let these masked hordes prevent you from safely congregating amongst fellow patriots to vote for law and order over chaos and derision. As your president, I am personally drafting an executive order to FORBID Antifa child soldiers and THUGS disguised as pop culture icons from marching in our streets, blocking us from the most important election in the HISTORY of TIME.

    Thank you, {FIRSTNAME LASTNAME}, for doing your part to help me continue to keep making America great again. I look forward to seeing your smiling face at your local polling station on Tuesday.

    Best Regards,

    Your Law and Order President

    Donald J. Trump

    Halloween Matthew Ulmer
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    Matthew Ulmer

    Matthew is a professional writer and an amateur father to two young girls. He lives close enough to Philadelphia that he could totally pop into the city whenever he wants, but does he really feel like dealing with traffic and then trying to find parking and he’ll probably end up in a lot anyway and that’ll be at least an extra $25 right there and so you know what, why don’t we just stay in tonight?

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