CHICAGO – Following a string of social gaffes that shocked and appalled his hosts, errant drifter Del Griffith was promptly asked to leave the Page family’s Thanksgiving dinner before the turkey had even been carved.
Though he successfully delivered marketer Neal Page home for the holiday as promised, Griffith’s boorish behavior instantly put him at odds with the rest of the Page family. Within moments inside their home, Griffith tracked muddy boot prints across a snow-white living room carpet, knocked over three family photos, spilled an entire jar of mustard, and asked Susan Page’s father Walt if he had “voted for that sonofabitch Reagan.” Unsurprisingly, tensions quickly mounted.
“He was horrid. Absolutely horrid,” reported Susan Page. “It was bad enough when he told little Marti she was going to be a ‘real high-class broad someday,’ but then he gave Neal Jr. that pocket knife and told him to watch himself in ‘certain neighborhoods.’ I wanted him gone immediately.”
Despite his wife’s wishes, Neal Page attempted to smooth things over in light of Griffith bursting into tears several times in the twenty minutes he had been in the home, often hoarsely calling out the name of his deceased wife.
Once seated for dinner, Griffith’s behavior unfortunately did not improve, with him breaking two folding chairs, dropping loose M&Ms into the gravy boat, handing Neal Jr. a pen that revealed a naked woman when turned upside down, and blowing his nose into several cloth napkins. The final straw for the family came when Griffith, seeing Susan Page’s newly cooked ham, proclaimed, “Another reason to be glad we’re not Jews, huh?”
Neal Page insisted that Griffith leave following these remarks. Asked by Mrs. Page why he had allowed the man into their home in the first place, Neal responded, “I… I really don’t know.”
Seeing the family’s horrified faces, a remorseful Griffith apologized and requested to use the restroom prior to leaving. Following a crashing sound some minutes later, Neal and Susan rushed to the bathroom, finding an unconscious Del Griffith sprawled across the floor with his head in the trashcan.
“He had a bungee cord wrapped around his neck and our shower curtain rod was torn loose from the wall,” reported Neal Page. “It looked like he finally tried to end it, but he was still breathing. He also appeared to, um, have soiled himself.”
Responding to a call by the Page family, Chicago police officers took a tearful Griffith into custody shortly after for processing through social services.
