It seems like everybody’s talking about the “benefits” of CBD-based products these days. “Is there anything it can’t do?” we hear many consumers just like yourself say. Well, as the leader in lifestyle-amplifying medicines for over 170 years, we at Pfizer can confidently say “Yes, there’s plenty CBD can’t do!”
Which is why we’ve sent you these free samples of some of our exciting new products. For years, the original versions of these products were enjoyed by a wide variety of people. Artists, musicians, poets, athletes, models (both “super” and “catalog”) and, yes, even everyday folks like yourself. We’ve been able to capture the true benefits of these substances and distribute them in a perfectly safe, legal, and fun way.
Please note that only this first “taste,” if you will, is free. They’ll be available for purchase at your local pharmacy.
Popsi
CBD-infused products are fine for the temporary relief of stress and anxiety, but what if you’re feeling fatigued? Or inhibited? That’s when you need the power of Popsi! An extract of the legal and delicious coca plant, Popsi improves your mental state while giving you the energy to go-go-go! Clinical studies also show Popsi will literally make you a better dancer! And a better dresser! Popsi is available in a variety of popular colors, including Malibu Sunset, Afternoon Delight, and Lazer Blast. And unlike that other coca plant derivative, Popsi isn’t snorted. Instead, it is smelled – gently, longingly, and responsibly.
DSL
Sure, CBD-infused products relieve muscle soreness, but can it help you see music? Or turn a gentle summer breeze into a chorus of angels? Or provide a pathway into an alternate reality consisting only of pure consciousness and light? We didn’t think so! Inspired by the hippie generation’s fifth food group, DSL is designed for the third-eye-impaired. While similar products are taken in blotter, gel, or liquid form, DSL is taken in sticky note form, which means you place it anywhere you’d like. Available at Walgreens and GNC; you don’t have to drive far to get far out!
Quaalitude
We think CBD-infused products are great for helping your muscles relax, but what if you want to sleep? Or bathe in a pool of trance-like euphoria? Not so much? Well, good thing there’s Quaalitude! Derived from the legally beneficial essence of methaqualone, sugar-coated Quaalitude tablets cure soreness, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, sloth, tension, and some forms of awareness and cognition. If you’re ready to smile smile smile, then nap like it’s going out of style, then you’re ready for Quaalitude!
Sexy-T
The stresses of the modern world got you down? Maybe you dabbed a little CBD-infused essentials on your temples? How did that work out? Ten minutes later you’re still stressed but now the smell of sandalwood is stuck in your house for weeks, right? Fight life’s common stresses and reach near ecstasy levels with Sexy-T! We switched around a few of the letters in methylenedioxymethamphetamine and created a remedy for stress, anxiety, disappointment, fatigue, lethargy – you name it. With Sexy-T you will love literally everything on earth. Sexy-T is available in tablet, lozenge, lollipop, ring pop, and juice box forms because we love you!
H-Bomb
If it feels like you can’t turn on the news without crying out “What a bummer!” then we’ve got the cure for you. Derived from the opium poppy plant grown legally in our satellite farms near Diyarbakir, Turkey, H-bomb is the solution for every problem – ever. And H-Bomb doesn’t just make jazz jazzier, art artier, and life lifier. H-Bomb makes you forget things like stress, anxiety, pain, sorrow, and even your own existence! In full disclosure, please know that early tests indicate H-Bomb may be habit-forming, cause drastic weight loss, respiratory depression, slow and shallow breathing, hypotension, blue lips and nails, muscle spasms, convulsions, and more. But who knows? It may not!
