Dear LinkedIn user,
After 56 years of managing your professional identity™, LinkedIn is closing up shop for good. We loved watching you grow and engage your network, but it’s time to face the music – and the inferno of all-consuming chemical fires ravaging our planet.
At our largest, LinkedIn counted 290 million daily active users, who shared their lives’ most impressive milestones and forged fulfilling careers thanks to our powerful job-matching algorithm. With only 376 users remaining (congratulations on surviving the riots, we hope you’ve added this accomplishment to your LinkedIn profile!), there simply aren’t enough striving professionals to connect.
We know our product has changed over the years. The Endorsable Survival Skills™ launch wasn’t the success we had expected (and unfortunately facilitated the targeted obliteration of some lower-scoring users). But LinkedIn Jobs remained the nation’s second-largest employment search engine throughout. By analyzing millions of users’ data and pairing them with the most sought-after openings, we helped staff countless militia and underground bunker communities. This is the stuff we live for at LinkedIn.
As LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman once said, “An entrepreneur is someone who will jump off a cliff and assemble an airplane on the way down.” Of course Reid couldn’t follow his own advice when he was swept into the Pacific Ocean by torrential mudslides, but the spirit of his words lives on. In fact, your continuing presence on our award-winning platform proves that nothing, not even the complete collapse of modern society, will keep LinkedIn users from promoting their professional brand.
Thank you, goodbye, and be sure to follow us on Snapchat.
– The LinkedIn Team