There are fifty-two ways to murder anyone, but let’s keep this short and sweet, ideally less than two minutes long start to finish. The original horror-punk band truly comes alive every Halloween. Here are six ways to celebrate the night before All Hallows Eve, an evening of pranks and ding-dong-ditch for Misfits fans and New Jersey natives:
1. Perhaps you always wear white face paint, dripping black eyeliner, and your hair in a single dreadlock that hangs over your eyes. You’ll actually stand out a little less this time of year, but you can still scare children at the mall. (This is a real thing Jerry Only has done.)
2. Change up your plans and the members of your group constantly. You’ll vandalize street signs or you’ll steal shopping carts from grocery store parking lots or you’ll mess with strangers’ Halloween decorations. Your direction and your frontman will shift without warning. (Bye Glenn Danzig!)
3. Somewhere, there is a mosh pit. Jump into it and punch someone. Get punched. Just don’t accidentally maim your friends on all the spikes on your belt and leather jacket.
4. Want somebody’s skull. Need somebody’s skull.
5. Look, you didn’t think this through. You are going to have to kill a human woman. Maybe you are a human woman. Hey, why do you listen to so many songs about brutally murdering human women?! Remember senior year when Sister Joan, your favorite teacher in that godforsaken Catholic high school, asked you point-blank how you reconciled your feminism with the sexism in rock n’ roll? You were wearing an AC/DC shirt on the no-uniform last day of school. What did you say? That nothing really mattered? Well, it matters now that you have to kill a human woman.
6. Oh god, it’s you! You’re the one dying on a Saturday night! Guess it’s too late to return all those shopping carts you shoplifted. Die, die, die my darling!
