Summer is officially here, which means it’s vital that you actually begin living your life.
But that’s a daunting task and I get that you might be feeling a little lost as to how you can take full advantage of the season and everything it offers. After all, summer eventually ends and there’s a ton of pressure to make this brief time with happiness a memorable experience.
Having a great summer only takes a few steps, though. Here’s how to do it:
Wear a Tank Top Every Single Day
This can’t be stressed enough. As the weather gets hotter, reaching stifling temperatures by July, you’ll need to feel as comfortable as possible. There is nothing the sleeves of a shirt can do but hold you back (sweating is good, but not like this…not like this…). Once you’ve fully unleashed your arms through the gaping void that the tank top offers, you’ll wonder how you ever got by in the summer months with actual T-shirts.
There are psychotic individuals still left in this world who wear jeans and hoodies during the summer. By wearing a T-shirt, you’re closer to their state of mental well-being than anyone else’s. Obviously, this is something you want to avoid, and wearing a tank top – enjoying the scorching heat without ever feeling like it’s a punishment – is really your only recourse.
Eat Until It Hurts
Yeah, an ice cream cone is great, but you do realize there are places popping up everywhere that allow you to fill a cup with as much frozen yogurt as you want, and then every topping you could ever of dream of eating? As a kid, a business like this would be the ultimate dream, something you ramble to your friends about on the playground while you exchange Pokemon cards. It turns out, as a 26-year-old, it remains that ultimate undeniable dream come true, a Willy Wonka-esque playground of sugar.
But the fun doesn’t stop there. You’ve got days of grilling ahead of you – and watermelon. Sweet, sweet watermelon. It’s easy to forget in the winter how absurdly good watermelon is, but then you have your first piece of the summer and you’re left trying to find a new pair of pants.
Spend Some Time Doing Nothing
Seeing a summer movie. Wandering around a Walmart for hours, test-playing some video games, bouncing those generic rubber balls down every aisle while eventually buying nothing. Driving with no clear destination, listening to Big Willie Style. Lying in the grass, staring up at the big, blue sky and finding penis clouds. These all count as technically doing nothing, but it’ll be the most fun you have all summer.
Get Coolio On Your Playlist
You’ll never convince me that anything released today – or at any point in history – could be a better summer jam than this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIMU456zOXc
Sweat
Life is for those who sweat. If you manage to go most of the summer without sweating, you’re ten times more likely to become a serial killer.
