1. Clean out your garden: Spring is here and it’s time to clean your garden and remove all remnants of winter. Start by removing weeds. Make sure that you get the roots so they won’t grow back. Speaking of roots, you clearly are going grey so this tip is a great way to forget the comment your kids made about mommy having “two-toned hair!”
2. Freshen up the soil: Soil is likely dried out and packed after winter – it’s time to add moisture. While you revitalize the soil, feel how soft it’s becoming. It’s only natural that thoughts of your marriage and how it’s slowly dying bubble up. Working on your marriage and bringing it back to life is much harder than getting this soil to freshen up and be ready for spring. Your tears of sadness work in favor of the soil while also helping you recommit to this life of regret!
3. Trim old plants: Plants that survived the winter will need to be pruned so they’ll grow anew in the spring. You’ll also want to think about pruning yourself. You know what we mean!
4. Mulch: In addition to fertilizers and organic materials, you should think about adding mulch to your flower beds and garden. Mulch helps prevent weeds and diseases. It can also help you push down those feelings of dread as you think about how much you are screwing up your kids. The truth is, you are fucking this up, you really are! Add more mulch. Trust us, it helps.
5. Plant flowers: Try planting more perennials rather than annuals, because annuals have to be replaced every year. While planting these beautiful flowers remember that life is fleeting and your gardening hobby is the only reason you go on living. Life surely didn’t turn out the way you planned and now you have to lie about how great everything is so you do that with gardening! Take a picture of your finished spring garden and post it on social media. Don’t forget to use #blessed when posting.
