WASHINGTON – According to White House sources, hours after President Donald Trump took office, staffers were given a laundry list of instructions about Trump, most importantly to not get him wet or feed him after midnight.
“We had a similar request when George W. Bush took office,” said a former White House staffer. “We didn’t take it seriously and we ended up going to war with Iraq and the banking system collapsed. The Trump White House vowed to us that they’re going to try and do better this time, but we haven’t seen much evidence of that yet.”
“He has this little red button on his desk that he really likes to push,” said a current administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “Most people are worried that it’s going to launch a nuclear weapon, but it actually just brings him a Coke. And he orders…a lot of Coke.”
While staffers tried to disabled the button so it wouldn’t work after midnight, the president wasn’t having it. And despite their pledges of diligence, some White House officials worry that Trump may have already been fed after midnight.
“Just look at the executive orders he’s signed or the tweets he has sent out,” said another official. “All it takes is a few late-night scoops of ice cream or a spilled Coke on his leg after midnight, and suddenly a whole religious group is banned form entering the country.”
In just a matter of months, things seem to be spinning out of control. “The Trump may appear cute, clever, a little mischievous, maybe slightly intelligent, but most of all, they’re dangerous” said one Democratic congressman. So if your democracy blows up, or your civil rights go on the fritz, before you call your congressman, turn on all the lights and look under your bed. You just never can tell. There might just be a Trump living in the White House.
