You don’t need a calendar to know what season it is when the leaves turn red, the air turns crisp, and your Facebook turns into a debate stage for pumpkin spice. Bolstered by its rich white fans, this orange sensation has loudly toppled apple pie, the smell as American as baseball and imperialism, as the dominant seasonal choice in the scented candle aisle. Sick of the chaos, a growing number of Americans are seeking alternatives to established autumnal aromas.
Here are the bargain-bin candidates begging for a chance to mask your bathroom business:
Autumn Leaves
If you enjoy the blended smell of pumpkin spice but appreciate outdoorsy scents as well, Autumn Leaves may be the common-sense alternative for you. An aromatic amalgam, this candle burns with hints of cinnamon, nutmeg and old raked leaves. The unique blend of sweet and sour will convince your guests you’ve spent the day baking bread or cake or maybe in one of the wet piles of rotting tree flesh from your backyard. There may or may not be a snake hiding in the bottom.
Trick or Treat!
Perhaps the most promising alternative to the candle status quo, the sugary scent of a bucket filled with Reese’s Cups and Snickers will entice noses from miles away. This part of the candle quickly burns away to reveal the full-bodied aroma of raisins, butterscotch discs, and chocolate from Halloweens past that the neighborhood kids were too smart to take. The pieces of candy wrapper stuck to the real aged chocolate give this candle a textured look that will be appreciated by any candle connoisseur who doesn’t mind the smell of smoldering plastic.
Thanksgiving Feast
Many people choose scents that remind them of their childhood, and there’s nothing like the aroma of a Thanksgiving dinner so delicious you barely notice the fighting. Make your home smell great again with this savory swirl of cranberry, casserole, and turkey realistic enough to put your great uncle to sleep before he can start ranting about Inauguration Day. From the tryptophan, that is. Definitely not from the weird imported chemical in the candle that makes the green bean smell. Don’t worry, he’ll wake up. Just mention Mexico.
Warm Sweater
A popular fall choice among people who enjoy the smell of cool air and clean linens, the vague description on this candle’s website provides no clues as to the fact that it actually smells like a burning sweater. While most people say this candle is “unbearable” or “constantly sets off the smoke alarm,” others say this versatile candle reminds them of Christmas, particularly the Christmas when their sleeve got caught in the fireplace.
Hot Apple Cider
Receiving the highest ratings of all alternative candles, many people would agree this candle has a warm, familiar smell. Almost like apple pie. Like the apple pie candle you already have, actually. Don’t waste your money, just light your apple pie candle. After all, when it comes to the future of your household for the next three months, refusing to use your apple pie candle is practically burning a pumpkin spice candle.