1. The availability of Miss Elaine nightgowns has dwindled. How are women expected to keep the fire stoked without those polyester specials getting stuck in their ass cracks? 2. Women have their own bank accounts and aren’t at anyone else’s mercy. The ability to take care of themselves financially has selfishly blinded them to everyone else’s needs. 3. Amazon Prime and DoorDash have shredded marriages today. There is not one need that can’t be met by these two companies. In need of comfort and nourishment? Order yourself a giant tub of cheeseballs and some premium cloud fleece sweatpants two sizes…
Author: Katy Goforth
Katy Goforth
Katy is a writer and editor for a national engineering and surveying organization and a fiction editor for Identity Theory. Her writing has appeared in The Dead Mule School, Reckon Review, Salvation South, Little Old Lady Comedy, and elsewhere. She has a prose collection forthcoming with Belle Point Press (2025). She was born and raised in South Carolina and lives with her spouse and two pups, Finn and Betty Anne. You can find her on Twitter at MarchingFourth and katygoforth.com.
Below you will find some helpful tips on how to not be hacked to pieces by a loved one, an acquaintance, or a stranger. These tips come from hours of careful research conducted while sprawled out on my couch with Keith Morrison. Heed this free and practical advice and you too can avoid simply disappearing from a do-it-yourself carwash. Do not give someone the shirt off your back. You will end up in a pool of blood in your kitchen. Be mean to people. Don’t be the sunshine. Be the dark cloud that walks in and ruins the day. Is…