OMAHA – Still fuming from his viewing of the trailer for the new Ghostbusters movie, local resident Eric Schuler finished a 5000-word Facebook status today about how awful the movie looks even though he is free to not watch a single second of the film.
“Everything in the trailer just looks terrible, I can’t believe they would force this shit on us,” Mr. Schuler said, seemingly unaware that he can choose to simply not go and see it. “I don’t know how they expect me to be okay with this.”
Upset that the plot of the film seems to be exactly the same as the 1984 original but with gender-swapped leads, Schuler wrote in his post that the new movie would “tarnish and ruin” Ghostbusters, despite the fact that the original films will still exist without any changes to them. Inconsolable in his anger, Schuler ended his post by declaring that Sony was “raping his childhood,” though there has been no evidence uncovered that the studio is forcing anything upon him.
Schuler, who at the time of publishing still had the free will inherent in each and every human being, sighed as he posted the status to his Facebook page, resigned to his fate of watching an all-female Ghostbusters movie.
“I can’t believe I will have to sit through that garbage,” he said, succumbing to a fate he only sees as absolute. When asked why he wouldn’t just choose to not see the film upon its release, a confused Schuler responded, “Well, I’m a fan.”
