Are you tired of having to spend money every time you need a new car? Did you know there’s a simple way you can have a total stranger (or strangers) simply hand you a free car? It may sound too good to be true, but trust me when I say, there’s a good chance you’re already well on your way to having the wind blow through your hair in a sweet new ride.
You may remember this news story of a 20-year old who got handed a new car. Or how about this similar story of a UPS employee getting some new wheels? Or what about any of these stories? All these guys got free cars, and that’s so sweet! You may notice a pattern in all these stories, but I’ll break it down for you, so you too can enjoy the sweet life.
Step 1: Be Born Into a Country With an Economic System That Cannot Function If the Lowest Rung of Society Is Treated With Even a Shred of Decency
Sorry people of Sweden or Denmark, but this life hack is strictly for people born in countries that value profits over human happiness. But that’s great news if you live in the United States!
Us good ol’ Americans are practically halfway there because every facet of our existence is governed by corporations that simply view us as cogs in a machine to line the pockets of a privileged few. How rad! We’re well on our way to that free car.
Step 2: Take a Job Located Many Miles Away From the Only Housing You Can Afford
For this next step, you’re going to need to get a job. But not just any job. You’ll need a job located far away from wherever you live, which is actually pretty easy if you live in a major metropolitan area.
This is another major benefit of being an American. You probably live in a city that has failed to invest hardly any funds into public transportation. That means you’re forced to walk to get to work so that you don’t end up homeless. “But hang on a sec,” you say to yourself, “why don’t I just buy myself a car at this point?” And the answer is because you want to get a free car, silly!
Step 3: Choose Between Paying Rent, Feeding Yourself, or Having Reliable Transportation
Here’s the thing: your job isn’t going to pay you enough to do all three of these things. Your boss is going to pay you the absolute minimum he or she can legally get away with because you’re 100 percent disposable in a capitalist system. Don’t worry. Just pay rent and buy food because we’re well on our way to that free car!
Step 4: Walk to Work (And Make Sure People Know You Walk to Work)
For most people, their only option at this point will be to walk to work. There’s something very important you want to remember about whatever route you take to get to a place that reminds you that you once had dreams beyond simply making ends meet.
You need to make sure you’re seen. You can walk on busy streets so that hopefully a news van spots you one day. Maybe your coworkers will even see you. The important thing here is that someone in the community sees you walking to work and actually has the resources to assist you.
Step 5: Wait and Hope Your Soul Doesn’t Collapse
That’s it! Just wait until your coworkers, your boss, or a group in the community raises the necessary funds to buy you a car. It may happen your first day on the job, or it could take years. It’s not like you have any other options in this system of ours designed to punish the poor.
Capitalism is a prison. But if you play your cards right, you can be a prisoner with a brand-new, free car!
