Hey man. Can you believe this party? No one is even here yet. Jess told me that there were gonna be a ton of people here and I’ve been here like an hour but…nothing. I don’t even think she’s here. She’s not answering my texts. Whatever. I feel bad because I don’t know anyone here, but it’s Jess’ fault. If anyone asks, make sure to blame her. Fucking Jess.
Maybe I just missed everyone. I don’t get why people don’t show up to parties on time. Why not just come sooner so you can have fun for longer? It makes no sense. But you know that, you’re already here. Does this guy just not have any friends? You don’t throw a party and invite six people, so think how many people must have not shown up for it to be such a dud. Poor guy’s gotta be a pretty righteous loser.
I know there were a few people in the other room but jeez, this party just sucks. I don’t know how long I can be here. It’s so uncomfortable I’m starting to sweat. I know I’m not supposed to show up empty-handed but on the other hand it sort of felt like I didn’t really know anyone here besides Jess anyway so I thought I could get away with it. Plus if 50 people came no one would even notice if I’d brought a box of ginger snaps anyway.
It’s the perfect thing to bring to a party! No one expects them but it’s a conversation starter. Love those things.
Not this party, though. I’m not wasting ginger snaps on these people.
This house is a dump. I mean the cupboards are falling off the walls. I’m tempted to just go fix some of it, you know? There’s paint peeling off the wall in the hallway, too. It’s embarrassing. I’m not normally like this, it’s just that the music sucks and I’d rather talk than be stuck between sucky music and a lame party in a crappy house. I’m kind of handy though, so I really could…you know what? That wouldn’t be cool. I’m not gonna fix anything. No one wants that guy to come to their party and since I wasn’t even technically invited to this one, I should probably pass on home remodeling.
It’s hard to get over it though…this is just a struggle. I feel bad. I don’t want the guy whose house this is to realize that it sucks though, you know? Maybe we should invite some of our friends? I know that’s not really a cool thing to do but we’re circling the drain at this point – it’s a lost cause of a party. I’ll start scrolling through my phone and see who might be free, you do the same.
Group text time. Gonna send it to like a dozen or so people and tell them to bring whoever.
Why aren’t you texting anyone?
Oh…
Really? And you just let me go on like that?
Shit.
Hey man, the house is really nice. I was just messin’ around earlier, trying to be one of the guys, you know? Honestly, I blame my upbringing. I love what you did with the crown molding and you have really good taste in music. I’m the one with bad taste in music, so don’t even worry about that comment – everyone hates my music, that’s why I don’t host parties!
You seem super cool, though. The posters in the hallway really make it feel like I’m getting to know you already. I love Jurassic Park too, man. No, not Jurassic Park 2, Jurassic Park also. Wouldn’t that be a wild name for a Jurassic Park sequel? Haha! We should write that down! Oh man, I’m totally tweeting that right now.
Oh, hey, I just got a text from Jess. She’s on her way. I think I’ll meet her outside.
Great party, dude. Thanks again for having me! I’ll see you in a few!