Maximize Your Dry Shampoo This Holiday Season!

Dry shampoo

Dry shampoo: A grown-ass woman’s personal Jesus Christ. If the memes are true, all of our scalps are comprised of 90% dry shampoo by the time Friday rolls around. There’s no better time than the busy holiday season to stock up. Here are a few creative ways to use your favorite powdery aerosol lady-product* this December:

1. Create a heavy layer of artificial snow on EVERYTHING! Decorative pinecones? Snow ’em up. Your paperback copy of Hillbilly Elegy? Probably looks more festive with a layer of faux snow.

2. Mace potential gropers at the holiday work party. Did you know that dry shampoo often comes in travel size? Keep one in your sequined bag just in case Male Coworker gets a case of the old pussy-grabbin’.

3. Spray liberally over your entire body for a throwback Malibu Musk-esque body spray. Sure, your skin will feel like you accidentally fell into a large pile of nutritional yeast but you’ll smell like a platform-sneaker-wearing babe of the 90s.

4. There is absolutely no reason to bathe a pet when dry shampoo exists. Your hamster will look hella fresh with a light dousing.

5. Worried that your friends aren’t really enjoying your holiday party? Grab the hallway mirror, place it on the coffee table and spray a few thick powdery lines. They’re so drunk they’ll never know.

6. Start a fire to roast chestnuts. Grab a Bic lighter and quicker than you can say “FLOOSH” you’ll have a beautiful giant ball of flame. Just be certain you aren’t super attached to having eyebrows.

7. Keep a can in the bathroom to banish the unfortunate odor of post-eggnog shits.

8. Stash a few festively wrapped cans in the trunk of your car as a last-minute gift for toddlers of friends that you forgot had toddlers.

9. In a pinch, a spritz of dry shampoo up the nostril makes an excellent substitute for a neti pot.

10. Smoked weed in your childhood bedroom and need to hide it from the ‘rents? A few puffs of dry shampoo will make that pot smell a not smell.

Cheers to gorgeous, voluminous hair! Happy holidays!

*Duh, of course dude-identified/non-binary people can use it too.

 

 




Melanie LaForce

Author: Melanie LaForce

Melanie LaForce likes dogs and butter and lives in Logan Square, Chicago.

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