As President of This Secret Society, I Pledge to Make It Just as Weird as the Movies
Sep06

As President of This Secret Society, I Pledge to Make It Just as Weird as the Movies

My papa had just returned from the farm when I caught my first glimpse of Eyes Wide Shut. I stood behind his recliner at the tender age of eleven as he clicked on our old tube set. It was the party scene. Red robes, strange gold masks. “Trash,” my father said, “exaggerated trash. No place behaves that way,” and he changed the channel. But I was transformed. I had peeked through a fleeting window; this was how the world’s great men...

Read More
They Got Rid of Confederate Statues, So I Became a Confederate Soldier
Aug31

They Got Rid of Confederate Statues, So I Became a Confederate Soldier

First they came for my flag, and I said nothing. Then they came for my culture, and I said nothing. But when they came for my statues, I became a Confederate soldier. As a white person, this year has been really hard. Ever since Obama took away my rights, life has been a living hell. When the liberals started calling out the Confederate flags on my property, I was so hurt that I had to defend my Southern culture. Sure, I’ve lived in...

Read More
9 Key Differences Between White Supremacists and My Butthole
Aug25

9 Key Differences Between White Supremacists and My Butthole

1. My butthole doesn’t discriminate 2. My butthole has what most would say is a flattering haircut 3. When my butthole bleeds, I’m not happy 4. My butthole isn’t an asshole 5. There’s at least potential for someone to enjoy having sex with my butthole 6. If Jesus met my butthole, he probably wouldn’t hate it 7. My butthole has yet to hold and/or defile a tiki torch 8. Donald Trump in no way stimulates my butthole 9. My butthole makes...

Read More
Alt-Right Split Over Whether to Include Feminazis
Aug22

Alt-Right Split Over Whether to Include Feminazis

WASHINGTON – Following the controversial and violent rally in Charlottesville and the counter-protests that have emerged in its wake, the various groups that make up the alt-right, ranging from white supremacists to MRAs to neo-Nazis, have found divisions among themselves over whether to bring feminazis into the fold. “It’s a tough call,” said Richard Spencer, who is widely seen at as leader within the movement. “On the one hand...

Read More
The American Alt-White College Fall Prospectus
Aug19

The American Alt-White College Fall Prospectus

Hey there potential student! Feeling down about all those students of color being accepted over you? Even though you worked hard(ish) through high school and got similar grades? Have no fear, for the newest (basically) Ivy League university has just opened. The American Alt-White College is a school for white students who are tired of facing discrimination and racism when it comes to university acceptance. College admission is tough...

Read More
With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!
Aug16

With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!

Hey Errybody! LOL! What’s up all my Facebook amigos? You doing good? You’re about to be doing better! I’m going to make this the best time of your life by offering you something that will make you forget every bad thing happening right now – even the life-threatening ones! How? I’m now a registered representative to sell all-natural diet pills, and I’m offering you a life-changing opportunity! These things are amazing. I’ve been...

Read More
Page 4 of 23« First...23456...1020...Last »