The undefeated East Lake High Bobcats kept their streak alive last Friday with a huge 68 – 10 win against Midrow Park High’s Stinging Hornets. The win was due, at least in some part, to an outstanding performance from East Lake Quarterback Chad “Bullzdozer” McKenzie, who scored 61 of the team’s points. The victory sets a record for not only the Bobcats but also for total points scored by a team in their district’s history, making it the game that everyone is talking about. “It was unreal. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was frothing at the mouth.” Said…
Author: Walt Braley
Walt Braley
Walt Braley is an editor for the site you're reading right now. He took up comedy after being unmasked and forced to retire comically early in his luchador wrestling career.
Holy cow! David? What are you doing here at the YMCA gym? Every day? Huh, yeah, weird that I haven’t ever seen you in here. Yeah, it’s been forever. What’s been up? Been working out? Haha, I’m just kidding. You do look kind of jacked, though. Me? Yeah not much, I’ve just been working, hanging out, you know, slam dunking a basketball. Oh, I took up bird watching a bit. Just to get outside a little and- What? No, yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of dunking a regulation-size basketball into a 12-foot-tall hoop lately. Just kind of one of…
The three editors here at Robot Butt all have some wild resolutions and goals for 2023. Here are a few of the biggest. First up is Robot Butt’s founder, the bad boy of Divvy bikes himself, Steve Dimatteo. Second is Robot Butt’s newest editor and consistent mini-golf crier Walt Braley. And finally, by far the hardest working editor of the site, former super bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady.
Robot Butt presents the Halloween Compendium of Terror. A hilarious collection of Halloween and horror-themed parodies, essays, poems, art, and much more. Finally, learn what’s under a ghost’s sheet, attend the town hall where every parent agreed to give Charlie Brown rocks, and see what happens when a lonely man uses a Ouija board to commune with ghostly singles in his area. With over a dozen works from writers whose pool of credits includes The Onion, McSweeney’s, Funny or Die, CollegeHumor, and more, this book is guaranteed to make you laugh and gasp all through the Halloween season, or, give…
Skeletons… 10. Skeleton Skeleton. 9. Skeleton Skeleton. 8. Skeleton Skeleton. 7. Skeleton Skeleton. 6. Skeleton Skeleton. 5. Skeleton Skeleton. 4. Skeleton Skeleton. 3. Skeleton Skeleton. 2. Skeleton Skeleton. 1. Skeletons Skeletons!
Shelly Means’ whole life might be falling apart. Her relationships with her husband, therapist, social circle, and even her dog are becoming strained, but she can fix all of it if she can just finish building her beach house in the Hamptons. Amy Fusselman’s new novel The Means is a satirical take on wealth and the oh so many stresses that stem from it. I was lucky enough to get to talk with Amy about the novel, as well as about writing humor as a whole. Walt: I wanted to talk about writing for humor sites because a lot of…
The Gray Man – Stabbed in a Loud Room I’m in a Brazilian nightclub on a surveillance mission that was given a 1 – star risk estimate. Long before I spot my mark the Gray man walks up and stabs me 6 times on the dance floor. The bass drops in a Skrillex song right as I scream and I go completely unnoticed. He sits me down on a bench nearby and people assume I’m passed out drunk. I’m not found for 4 days. Casino Royale – Destitution I lose 15 million dollars of government money in less than an…
I’m going to pretend two completely separate ways to spend time are somehow linked in an “either-or” sort of way, then I’m going to do some strategically biased straw-manning, and finally, I’m even going to use a dated study I didn’t conduct, all to push my agenda of convincing you that movies are too long. So just walk with me on this one, okay? Cleaning: 66 Minutes According to a 2015 report by The Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average person over 15-years-old spends the following amount of time on chores: 13 minutes per day cleaning up the kitchen after…
The Harlem Globetrotters have garnered infamy for over eight decades through the terrible acts they commit every time they step on a basketball court. After every game, the nearest emergency room is packed full of innocent Washington Generals’ players needing broken ankles braced or athletic shorts surgically removed from around their ankles, but what about the path of destruction these showboating heathens leave off the court? I talked to three of the possible millions of people who were victimized by the Trotters’ incessant showmanship and will be sharing their stories in their own words. Lindsay – Oak Park, IN The…
These days, we instantly identify our favorite companies just by hearing slogans such as “Just do it” or “We have the meats,” but what about all the slogans that didn’t make it into the echelon of pop culture? Here are some defunct slogans that didn’t cut it for many of the world’s most recognizable brands. Long John Silvers: “We Speak Fish!” This 2011 catchphrase was removed from advertising campaigns after barely a year. Yikes, I guess the fish-to-human language barrier proved to be too much! Pepsi: “We Say Thank You in Person After Every Purchase.” We have to assume this…