Mr. T Overwhelmed by April Fools’ Day Pitying
Apr01

Mr. T Overwhelmed by April Fools’ Day Pitying

LOS ANGELES – Stating that this is the time of year he has come to dread the most, Mr. T has once again found himself “disgusted” by the sheer number of fools in need of pitying he’s encountered today. “On an average day I pity anywhere from eight to fifteen fools,” Mr. T said. “But on April 1st, my quota goes up significantly. In the last hour alone I’ve pitied 53 fools. I’ll probably pity over 400 fools before the day’s end. It’s...

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Strong, Powerful and Wise Men Graciously Grant Women One Day
Mar08

Strong, Powerful and Wise Men Graciously Grant Women One Day

NEW YORK – In a bold, powerful move that signifies the true strength of all men around the world, the United Nations, an international organization headed by men, graciously allowed International Women’s Day to take place this year, granting women a well-deserved single day of recognition in 2016. Observers around the world take this one day – one day for the entire year – to acknowledge the struggles women are...

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5 Essential Valentine’s Day Don’ts
Feb11

5 Essential Valentine’s Day Don’ts

It’s that time of year again, Grifter fanatics. We’re officially just a few days away from everyone’s favorite, anxiety-riddled holiday: Valentine’s Day! Last year, the Grift was a little too busy grinding it out to give you girls and boys any tips on how to have an ecstasy-filled lovefest. And this year, I’ve already seen plenty of articles talking about the best places to go, what to eat, etc. It is all very mundane. I’ve decided...

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Nation’s Creepy Uncles Plan Christmas Viewings of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
Dec23

Nation’s Creepy Uncles Plan Christmas Viewings of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’

In what has become a holiday tradition for many across the country, the nation’s creepy uncles have begun preparations for their Christmas viewings of Eyes Wide Shut. The film, the final produced by famed director Stanley Kubrick, features characters locked in psycho-sexual obsessions, lengthy group orgy scenes, and a festive yuletide setting. “It’s the greatest Christmas film ever made,” said Minneapolis uncle Brent Geisler. “The...

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Happy Holidays, Everyone!
Dec21

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

    More jokes, at no extra...

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