Author: The Robot Butt Staff

There’s no post today. Instead, enjoy “McGruff’s Smart Kids Album,” a very real kids album released in 1982 to teach children moral lessons like “don’t smoke marijuana” and “don’t do cocaine.” https://open.spotify.com/album/4KImUTTFMjM4cwtHWL9evh?si=7ouOl8_JTpSww71Cz7FTOQ

A few days ago we announced our new “Team Member of the Month” initiative, and we announced the first selectee would be Ryan. Unfortunately, Ryan died gracefully the very next day when he rocketed into the ground from 4,000 feet up. During the services and all throughout meetings today where we were trying to figure out if anyone other than Ryan knows how to keep the site online, Walt continuously asked what this means for the team member of the month. He insisted that we can’t have a deceased person be our first ever reward recipient, and also that “since…

It’s a very sad day here at Robot Butt HQ, as we’ve lost the heart of our team. Ryan unfortunately passed away gently and quietly in his sleep during a routine skydiving excursion, after his chute didn’t deploy. Investigators on the scene said that it looked like his bag had been tampered with earlier in the day, and that someone had taken the parachute out of it. They also said it was stretched, as if someone had tried to replace the chute with an anvil, but failed to get it inside. This news comes only a day after Ryan was…

We’ve decided to introduce a new “team member of the month” initiative in an effort to motivate our team and make sure hard work gets acknowledged. We’re stoked to announce this month’s team member of the month is our head of data operations, Ryan. Ryan has been an anchor of the team since coming aboard in late 2011. He doesn’t write for the site, so his work often goes unrecognized despite being arguably the core of the site. Our editor Walt seemed pretty disappointed to not get this inaugural honor, but even he eventually came around. After apologizing for the…

Are you tired of not having a badass tax prep service that doesn’t kick ass? Consider us, the team behind a slowly dying humor website! We need to make a lot of money, FAST, because I have to pay Paramount every time I reference The Knuckles TV show on our site. We’ve been going over ways to do that, and right underneath sexy car wash we came up with this. Our thought process is that if the government gets to just take a bunch of money once a year, we should also get to. We’re kind of like the government,…

Why didn’t you all just tell us? We would have joined way sooner if we had any idea that you wanted this. I didn’t even consider it until we received a recent email. I’m posting the body of the email here. It’s unedited except I’ve redacted out the personal info just in case this person is a huge fan of the site and would be embarrassed to be put on blast like this: Hi there, my name is [REDACTED] and I am the owner of [REDACTED] – a professional OF agency based in [REDACTED]. That said, we have been able…

Are you ready to take your driving to the next level with a (I assume) versatile vehicle at a (I assume) great price? Then look no further than, the maker and seller of this car we’re promoting. You know the one! Okay, I’m going to level with you. I’m an intern here and Steve told me to make sure this post goes up before the weekend no matter what. His note says “we have to run the car ad, I’ve already spent the $35 they’re paying us.” The issue is that’s all it says. I have no idea who we…

Some days we just don’t have it in us to check our inbox or write something comprehensible. We are aware that one those days it would be disingenuous and insulting to post something and expect you to read it. So, instead, this post is for your dog. Show it to them and see if they like it. If they like it we will do hundreds of more posts just like this one!

Here are our picks for the major category winners of the 2025 Academy Awards. We expect them to all be confirmed during tonight’s Oscars telecast! Actor in a Supporting Role Jimmy Kimmel for his performance hosting the 2024 Academy Awards. Actress in a Supporting Role My aunt Denise, who sincerely told my dad to “shut up” during a heated game of Scategories during my family’s beach vacation. Actor in a Lead Role Wyatt Russell for the scene in Night Swim where, after he becomes possessed and his family begins to fall apart literally and metaphorically, he goes in his garage,…

A lot of people have said I’m “dumb” and “going to prison” for writing a 600 page novel that explains how to write a parody listicle in a Google Doc, but I insist I’m just following in the footsteps of of other far more successful websites, like Poptropica or, in this instance, eBay. In the year 2000, Wizard magazine had an issue that came with a free mini-comic called Adventures @eBay. This short sloppy comic used crude art mixed with actual photographs of a computer screen to teach readers how to purchase comic books on eBay. The instructions are led…