You’re celebrating the Bangladeshi holiday of Ashari Purnima. You’re celebrating Guam, Samoan, and Filipino independence. You’re celebrating the colors red and blue – not white. You’re celebrating fireworks as a Chinese invention and nothing else. You’re observing the movie Independence Day and rooting for the aliens. You’re observing The Patriot and rooting for the British. You’re observing Jaws and rooting for the shark. You’re honoring the chance to make bank on Uber. You’re celebrating your own birthday. You’re celebrating the birthdays of Nathaniel Hawthorne, Tom Cruise, Rube Goldberg, Koko the gorilla, or Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. You’re celebrating the death…
Author: Robert Criss and David Ceron Giraldo
Robert Criss and David Ceron Giraldo
Robert Criss is what you would call a “homewrecker.” He takes pleasure in luring spouses into his maws, handcuffing them to a hotel bedframe and then leaving in a bulldozer to go demolish their home. Criss also likes when Instagram models dress up like blue Avatar characters for Halloween. David Ceron Giraldo is a writer, designer, and food lover. He's been featured on Clown's Prayer and District (for delightfully irreverent articles) and the League of Women Voters (for soberly composed opinion). Find his portfolio by looking it up.