Historically, it was always the same. The pensive search. Eyes darting around the scene. The excited squeal. An exaltation of success. The grubby index finger smudging my general vicinity. Target acquired. I, Waldo, had been found. Such has been my life for centuries throughout my travels. Travels that make Rick Steves look agoraphobic. But, what little shred of privacy I can still cling to is slipping through my fingers, the fingers not gripping the wooden curly cane. Increasingly, law enforcement around the world have been deploying widespread use of advanced facial recognition technology. The global market for facial recognition technology…
Author: Noah Seligman
Another week another apocalyptic burst of hysteria from the leading nepo baby of Krypton, Jor-El. The chief scientist of Krypton is out with his latest doomsday prediction. This time, he alleges the little earthquake rumbles are at a “critical mass” and threatens all of life on Krypton. This missive is just another over the top rhetoric from climate cowards trying to frighten the hard working people of Krypton. Jor-El insists that his peer reviewed scientific research demonstrates something about radioactivity and earthquakes blah blah, science science science. It’s very long and has too many footnotes. But rest assured its just nerd speak. …
By: A Hungry Great White Shark Recently, my beloved Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) has come under some unfair criticism from the legacy media for his rewrite of school curriculum in Florida. Specifically, Governor DeSantis and his Republican supporters in the state legislature ensure schoolchildren will learn about the benefits of slavery. Specifically, the real world vocational job skills slaves learned on the job. Lost in the standard history of the centuries of kidnapping, abuse, rape, family destruction, murder and denial of any freedom is that slaves learned practical job skills like blacksmithing. As a large ocean predator at roughly 20 feet in length and…
WASHINGTON, DC – FEBRUARY 17: Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) speaks during a Senate Budget Committee hearing in the Hart Senate Office building on February 17, 2022 in Washington, DC. The committee heard testimony about Warrior Met Coal’s ongoing miner strike which has lasted since April 2021 over demands for better pay and benefits. (Photo by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images) Recently, my Republican party, the party of Abraham Lincoln, the only Republican President we want you to remember, has been scrutinized for some of our word choices. Rep. Eli Crane (R-AZ) called Black people “colored” on the floor of the U.S. House. …
Mr. Speaker: I rise today to introduce important legislation. Legislation that will jumpstart American ingenuity and create good-paying jobs here in this country. This bill I’m proposing represents a great leap forward for American manufacturing. It is in response to that Chinese spy balloon that dominated the news cycle for like a week back in January or whenever. The world watched in astonishment as a Chinese spy balloon floated over our nation recently. The Chinese balloon looked like a cartoon bear in the hundred-acre wood slathered in mud disguising himself as a little black raincloud to trick the bees so…
I know there are some people wicked mad at the Suhpreem Caht for striking down affirmative action. But I am a testament to the fact that you don’t have to be a legacy kid to get in. Sure it helps, since at Harvard 34% of legacies are admitted, and overall, data indicates roughly 31% of legacy applicants gain admission. Frankly, I’m tired of woke Gen Z types who would probably cancel Gordon Wood if given the chance, whining. It’s really not that hard to get into elite universities. Just follow the six simple steps outlined here and see how easy…