1. Corn Flakes: Corn Flakes were invented by John Harvey Kellogg to discourage masturbation (seriously: Google it). Right after you’ve murdered someone isn’t necessarily a bad time to masturbate, it’s just not hygienic to do it until you shower. 2. Cheerios: Killing someone is stressful, even if they deserved it. Try Cheerios to bring you some much-needed cheer! 3. Lucky Charms: If you’ve gotten their blood all over you, that means you’ve had quite the workout. Consider replacing your lost sugars with Lucky Charms. 4. Steel-cut oatmeal: A good option if you plan to eat your victim, as it goes well with steel-cut human.…
Author: Mark Philip Lichtenstein and Zoe Samuel
Mark Philip Lichtenstein and Zoe Samuel
Mark Philip Lichtenstein and Zoe Samuel are a duo based in New York, who write and produce TV and branded content. When Mark isn’t writing, he does card tricks for the 1%. When Zoe isn’t writing, she wistfully watches other people’s dogs at the dog park. Find them at www.zoesamuel.com and www.markphiliplichtenstein.com.