One shot, two shot, red shot, blue shot It does not matter which you get, just get your shot so you won’t get dead! Say what, you do not think it’s safe? You think you’ll skip, you think you’ll wait? That is silly, Friend of Mine, it’s really downright asinine! Do you ride in a car, do you drink at a bar? Do you walk across a street, do you eat grilled meat? Do you eat grilled meat with your friends by a street? The shot is safer than all of these, I would not kid, I would not tease!…
Author: Jennie Young
Jennie Young
Jennie Young is an English professor and humor writer based in Green Bay, Wisconsin. She’s studied at The Second City and has work in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, HuffPost, Little Old Lady Comedy, and others.
This Presidents’ Day, we’re applying the “two beers and a puppy” test to our country’s commanders in chief: George Washington: Yes to one beer / Yes to puppy watching as long as not at Valley Forge that weekend. Thomas Jefferson: Yes to beers / Yes as long as puppy isn’t black. Might try to keep black puppy forever while simultaneously advocating for everyone else to free black puppies. Abraham Lincoln: Yes to one beer / Yes to puppy watching as long as Mary Todd isn’t having one of her episodes. Teddy Roosevelt: Yes / No because puppy afraid of big sticks. Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Yes…